• Time and memory, frozen in crystal

    "Everything feels like your fantasy, a night in your life. Close your eyes to find yourself in a mystic timeline."

  • Toshiyuki Watanabe feat. ORIGA (Voice of Heaven) – 遷宮(メインテーマ)

  • Historia Crux

    Hello! My name is Kerrian. I am a 30-year-old New York native who currently lives in Georgia with my 32-year old Illinois native husband Mark. And our 8-year-old blue tabby furbaby Link. And, if all goes well, a baby girl in Summer 2018. That’s pretty much our little family. ^_^

    When I’m not doing family stuff, I’m usually absorbed in one hobby or another. My hobbies include, but are not limited to, drawing, writing stories, playing video games, playing tabletop RPGs, reading regular novels and graphic novels, watching anime, cooking, decorating and organizing everything, learning new facts,  and finding new music, sci-fi, or fantasy creations to obsess over.

    Overall, I’m just trying to live life to the fullest like everyone else. I’m sending good vibrations to everyone! I want us all to win, so keep fighting! Take care!


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    I pretty much insta-add/follow back everyone unless your screen name has some kind of slur in it or something. Don’t be that person. -_-

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088: Out of Phase

✪ Personal Life ✪

Current Mood: That one part in The Wolf Among Us when Bigby gets tired of everyone’s shit, goes on a tirade about how everyone is pissing him off, yells “fuck this!”, and exits.


In short, life has been pissing me off lately. You know, everyone is free to be a dumbass on their own time, but when your stupidity leads to my livelihood being fucked up then…yeah…my patience goes out the window. Because all I ever ask of anyone is to not mess with my bread and butter or my peace, you know? I’m just irate. Like wall-punching, chain-smoking, prison-debating irate. I really need to give a massive fuck you to USPS and HR. You guys suck a lot of dick. For serious.

I’m just going to withdraw, bury myself in the shit I can actually enjoy, and hide my frustration behind off-color humor. As usual. This is not me saying that venting frustration is bad. If anything, I encourage it. I am not one those “everything is smiles and rainbows” types of people because, quite frankly, they are not human beings and they need to go back to fucking Mars where they belong. Here on Earth we humans have our off days. We all cry, we all seethe, we all dwell on the things we shouldn’t, and I am no different. I just… I would feel better if I discussed my interests. Venting helps, but my hobbies help more. Sorry for any smartass, bitter comments I might make. I’m trying to keep it under control the best I can.

✪ Art & Writing ✪

Surprise, surprise, everything is still “Mythos”. Or almost everything. Not too long ago I returned to that “Dark Matter” project that sprung up from a NaNoWriMo of old, and contributed a few chapters. I have not went back since though. It’s kind of sad. I’ve always wanted to write a space opera, but I still find high fantasy stories to be more fascinating. Eventually, I will start uploading my stories on to the Mythos subdomain I have…because it is just sitting there. I honestly forget that I have a website sometimes. A lot of the times. I should really use it more. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll make a blog dedicated entirely to Mythos shit. Doodles. Writing excerpts. Lore explanations. Things like that. Hmm…that would be nice. I’ll think about it.

BTW: I rewatched Disney’s Fantasia again for the first time in years and it was extremely nostalgic. I learned how to draw from Fantasia by pausing all of the different scenes and drawing them with crayons. I think my fondness for classical music also started from that movie too. I was really young when I first saw that movie, so I am sure I was unknowingly susceptible to the influences it gave me. Not complaining. I gained a lot of valuable experiences and lessons from Disney as a whole. Is the company perfect? No. In fact, some aspects of its history is downright embarrassing, and they still continue to make culturally insensitive mistakes at times; however, as a child who was happily ignorant to all of the wrong in the world, Disney was a magical thing to me. That is all that a child can ask for, right?

✪ Anime & Manga ✪

I have not been watching any animes lately. At this point, mentioning the fact that I am watching Sailor Moon seems redundant. I am constantly watching Sailor Moon. That hasn’t changed in…what? Two decades? As much as I enjoy new experiences and changes, I follow the mentality of “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.” In this case, if I absolutely adore an anime then I am not going to stop watching it because it’s old. Blah, blah, blah, sayluhmoon4lyfe.

Manga-wise, nothing. I am thinking of re-reading Oyasumi Punpun though. I enjoy over-the-top fantasies and fairy-tale-ending shoujo mangas as much as the next person, but sometimes I need a story that brings home the fact that suffering is an element of life, and making your best effort seldom leads to the rewards you would get (and deserve) in a perfect world (story examples: Berserk, Oyasumi Punpun, Neon Genesis Evangelion, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Dark Souls, etc.). I think Captain Picard said it best. His quote was something along the lines of: “You can make zero mistakes and still lose. It’s not weakness, it’s life.” So, I need that reminder sometimes.

✪ Video Games ✪

I am still obsessed with what Mark calls  “the poor man’s gaming”: commentary-free game playthroughs. The only downside to watching other people play games is that…well…it’s a lot like watching someone else eat when you’re hungry. There is a somewhat masochistic element in spending hours witnessing others enjoy the things you cannot have. Of course, it is never my place or anyone else’s place to get angry at someone for having those things (that, my friends, is what you call being an envious douche), but it is natural to feel a little sad about it. I’m just a little sad about it. None of that takes away from the fact that I am grateful for these individuals who make the effort to share their gaming experiences with penniless gamers like me who cannot wait around for money to fall on their laps. So, it’s nice. At times it’s even better to watch than to play, you know? It’s just therapeutic to get lost in an interactive, visual tale like video games.

Anyway, I’ve been watching the following games recently:

  1. The Walking Dead – Amazing yet soul-crushing.
  2. The Last of Us – Same description as #1. This game is really worth all the high praise it receives.
  3. Beyond: Two Souls –  Not bad. Played out like a Hollywood movie but I shouldn’t be surprised. You had Ellen Page, Willem Dafoe, Kadeem Hardison, and some other actors/actresses. So I believe that was the intention.
  4. Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep – Yes, it took me this long. Don’t have a PSP and I have no intention of getting one at this point. So, fuck it, right? Of course, I had the soundtrack to this game long before I even knew what the fuck it was about.  Typical. Anyway, nothing out of the ordinary KH wise. Spiky-haired characters with humongous feet, keyblades everywhere, Phil and the whole I-can’t-count punchline, etc. My favorite thing about KH is always Mickey Mouse snatching wigs, so…I’m happy in that department. LOL
  5. Darks Souls 2 – I really liked the story in this one compared to the first one. Both are good, of course, because FromSoftware maintains their genius method of hiding a really deep story underneath all the “Argh! This is hard!” gameplay. The lore of DS2, like its predecessor, is just superb. It really is. I really recommend watching VaatiVidya’s channel on youtube to get a new angle on some of the characters and places. It’s a mindfuck sometimes. LOL. Love games like these. Can’t beat ’em for shit, but it’s like…a perfect mixture of everything I love about fantasy. 10/10. Would bang.
  6. The Wolf Among Us – PLAY/WATCH THIS. Or read the comics. Both are really good, especially if you are fond of retellings of fairy tales.
  7. Ico – As much as I love Shadow of the Colossus I just never got around to playing this game. Beautiful, beautiful game. The whole series is one of a kind. I cannot recommend it enough.
  8. Heavy Rain – Felt like a really good movie. I already want to rewatch it. Great, great, great game.

I am still working on watching Crisis Core, Dream Drop Distance, Ni no Kuni, Tomb Raider, the Ar Tonelico series, Uncharted 4, Assassin’s Creed: Liberation + 4, Batman: Arkham Origins and a few others. There are some playthroughs that I would rather not watch because I would rather wait to play the games, so…there is that.

I am also still playing the games I do have. I got a free game rental from Redbox, so I started a replay of Stick of Truth as a thief this time. The mug ability is so fucking graceless. LOL. The protag just sneaks up on the target, sucker punches them in the mouth, searches their pockets, and takes whatever he finds. It’s hilarious in its usual stop-making-me-laugh-at-wrong-things South Park way. I cannot wait to own that game. I would trade in so many games just to get it, but Mark would rather us not. So…I’ll listen to him. For now. Outside of that, I’ve been playing more Skyrim. That game never fucking ends. Not complaining. Even without DLCs you have hundreds upon hundreds of hours of shit to do in Skyrim.

Video games are the best. I love them more than life itself. ;_;

✪ Books ✪ ***

I’m adding a section for books because as much as I read I should have this here.

After weeks of waiting for The Disaster Artist to arrive, Mark borrowed it from BAM for me. It is without a doubt the funniest book that I have ever read in my life, but the relationship between Greg and Tommy is…depressing. It is even more depressing to learn about all the horrible things the cast of The Room had to endure because of Tommy’s almost extraterrestrial approach to human relations. It’s definitely one of those books that is hard to put down. Also, be careful where you read The Disaster Artist because I just about died of laughter during certain parts. When I learned that The Room was supposed to end with Johnny turning into a vampire and driving a Mercedes Benz across the sky I just lost it. I am so excited about the James Franco movie based on this book now. It’s going to amazing, I hope. *crosses finger*

Uh… What else? I am re-reading Animal Farm and 1984 because I read them so many eons ago. Like all the old books I read, I remember the general plot but not really the details. The Giver is a perfect example of that. I read that book so many times in my youth but I don’t even remember most of the characters by name. I only remember the central points of the plot. Nothing wrong with a little refresher when it comes to favorite stories, right?

My reading list at this point is whatever fantasy books Mark decides to pressure me into reading. He keeps telling me that I HAVE to read this book or I HAVE to read that book. Since I am writing a fantasy story I need all the inspiration I can get, right? Yeah. Sure. Why not. But only after I am done with the books I already have on my to-read list.

✪ Music ✪

Praise the game music and soundtracks subreddits. I’ve been discovering a lot of neat music there. Or, in most cases, just reliving the music that I have not listened to in years. I managed to get myself re-obsessed with the Birth By Sleep and Dream Drop Distance soundtracks too. Yoko Shimomura is amazing! Not too long ago (I believe during E3 2014) I watched a mini-documentary about her involving her music. I can say with confidence that they picked the perfect person to compose Final Fantasy XV. Come to think of it, after Koji Kondo who pretty much composed everyone’s childhood video games, Yoko Shimomura was probably the first VG composer that I became obsessed with. This is thanks to Super Mario RPG. I fell in love with that soundtrack so fucking fast. It’s not even funny. Back then there was no youtube or grooveshark, so I had to go to my favorite location in the game and sit there just to really enjoy the song. Other times I could not hear a song again because it played during special events. Which sucked. *sigh* Being a game soundtrack geek was REALLY tough back then. I cannot even the describe the level of elation I felt when a game with good music had the entire soundtrack in their options menu. Bless those games. Seriously. LOL

Anyway, I get chills sometimes thinking of upcoming projects from my favorite composers, and knowing that at least one song on their soundtrack is going to blow my fucking mind. Just thinking about the Final Fantasy XV soundtrack…man…I am honestly more excited for that than the game. That’s probably bad, huh? I don’t care. The music I heard so far has been amazing. It’s like Parasite Eve genius raised to the highest power. And I haven’t even touched on Kingdom Hearts 3. If she does another remake of “Scherzo Di Notte” I’m just going to cartwheel out the window. LMAO. Each one is seriously better than the last. I can’t even fathom there being an even better “Scherzo Di Notte” in the works. I just can’t. Dammit, Square-Enix, just finish these games already. I’m dying over here. ;_;

✪ TV & Movies ✪

I have done something unacceptable by not going out to see Guardians of the Galaxy yet. Honestly, with the level of stress I am dealing with right now I am worried that I’ll spend the whole movie moping instead of lightening up. No one wants that–to make the effort to dress up, leave the house, and spend almost $20 on some activity only to hate it the entire time. I’ll give it a week or so.

TV-wise, Mark and I are on a steady rotation of cooking reality shows. Hell’s Kitchen, Masterchef, Top Chef, etc. There is something about cooking that I find exciting. It’s like an experiment, gathering all of these materials and mixing them at varying amounts until you find the perfect result. It’s all very…scientific and mathematical when you really think about it.

WWE is still a constant. I’m growing disappointed from all the criminal misuse of some of these great wrestlers. Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, The Wyatt Family, Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods, Chris Jericho, Dolph Ziggler, Big E Langston–these are just some of the wrestlers that have the potential to be amazing but they end up being written poorly or used as fodder to make other wrestlers look good. Rusev comes to mind. Don’t get me wrong. I really love Rusev as a wrestler, but the whole anti-American Bulgarian guy who reps Russia by “crushing” every contender that comes his way is getting dull. The same goes with Bo Dallas. He has the potential to be an AMAZING heel but it’s clear that the writers do not know how to handle him. It’s all a little “ugh” at this point. Yes, “ugh” is a feeling. I know it because I feel it all the time. LOL. Anyway, the whole big-bad authority handle was entertaining in the beginning, but now it just seems like a lame excuse to promote PPVs, the WWE Network, and for Trip and Steph to remind everyone that, yes, they are in charge and, yes, they are married. Don’t get me wrong. I like them as a power couple despite their messy start with Chyna, but…come on. We get it. You guys run shit and you have a great family. Now kindly go back to your offices and let the (wo)men on your payroll do their jobs. That’s really harsh. Sorry. I guess I’ve been watching episodes from the attitude era of WWE along with some New Japan Pro Wrestling, and all I can think is: “WWE, you can do better than this.” There is nothing like a good show being driven into the ground by mediocre to downright terrible writers.

By the way, I did hear about the whole Alberto Del Rio thing. This is going to sound bad but…I got bored with him a long time ago, so despite how shocking the whole incident is (I heard racism and slapping was involved) I am not exactly hurting in any way to see him go. It is not his fault. He is a great athlete. It’s just that his whole “schtick” kind of went to hell once Ricardo separated from him. Mark can tell you that I kind of have a slight annoyance towards ADR too because every Toys R Us and Walmart around us is packed with ADR stuff. Either no one buys them or they have such a high demand for ADR products that they have to constantly keep the shelves full of his stuff. I don’t know. But I get so irritated because every time I try to find a Roman Reigns (mission success!) or AJ Lee (mission failure!) action figure or poster I have to dig through like 1,000 ADR stuff to find them. LOL. Then again, it is not as bad as John Cena. For every 1,000 ADR stuff there is like…5,000 John Cena stuff. I only like John Cena because he’s a good guy, but overexposure can get to anyone, you know? You can adore someone and just get tired of looking at their fucking face all of the time. I reached that level with John Cena, ADR, and a few others at WWE. I’m at that level with CM Punk right now because even though he’s not there people will not stop chanting his fucking name in the audience, especially when AJ is there. It’s like: “He already said he’s not coming back millions of times. Just let it go.” *sigh* Let’s see how SummerSlam goes, right?

Let’s see…what else…I don’t know. I haven’t really been watching much. I saw Nymphomania I and II. Talk about a haunting movie. It is one of those movies that I am eager to discuss with someone else, but I already know from the few discussions I stumbled across online that too many people are fixated on the sexual aspects to really focus on the underlying messages. Yes, there was ample nudity and sex. Who cares? I just want to read different insights on the Joe and Seligman dynamic because that was what stuck with me after the movie. What is the writer/director trying to say about men and women from their dynamic and character development alone? I have my own theories, but settling for my own conclusions is never enough. I always want to branch out and learn from others, you know? I’ll see.

That’s about it though.

✪ Whatever Else/Closing ✪

I think that just about wraps it up. I’m sorry for being in a shitty mood…except I’m not really sorry because anyone in my shoes would be in a shitty mood right now. I think I’m just going to play some Animal Crossing: New Leaf (that game is ultimate anti-depressant for me) and hope that things turn out better in the future. Yep, the future. That strange, imaginary place where everything looks so much better and brighter. Ten years ago I thought my “future” would be amazing yet here I am in a present where I rarely feel like anything is ever amazing. I like the saying: “The grass is greener on the other side because it’s fertilized with bullshit.” That is pretty much the story of my life.

That’s all I have to offer at the moment: sardonic remarks and such.

This is where I depart. Got a digital town to unintentionally run into the ground. LOL

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