• Time and memory, frozen in crystal

    "Everything feels like your fantasy, a night in your life. Close your eyes to find yourself in a mystic timeline."

  • Toshiyuki Watanabe feat. ORIGA (Voice of Heaven) – 遷宮(メインテーマ)

  • Historia Crux

    Hello! My name is Kerrian. I am a 30-year-old New York native who currently lives in Georgia with my 32-year old Illinois native husband Mark. And our 8-year-old blue tabby furbaby Link. And, if all goes well, a baby girl in Summer 2018. That’s pretty much our little family. ^_^

    When I’m not doing family stuff, I’m usually absorbed in one hobby or another. My hobbies include, but are not limited to, drawing, writing stories, playing video games, playing tabletop RPGs, reading regular novels and graphic novels, watching anime, cooking, decorating and organizing everything, learning new facts,  and finding new music, sci-fi, or fantasy creations to obsess over.

    Overall, I’m just trying to live life to the fullest like everyone else. I’m sending good vibrations to everyone! I want us all to win, so keep fighting! Take care!


    Lilypie Maternity tickers



    I pretty much insta-add/follow back everyone unless your screen name has some kind of slur in it or something. Don’t be that person. -_-

    NNID: kerrian
    3DS Friend Code: 1693-6646-2394
    Steam: themoonrabbit



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093: The Beast Is Back


If we don’t greet each other like this then what’s the point.

I’m going to start using ‘Read More’ cuts on these entries because they can get pretty long at times. Like now.

✪ Personal Life ✪

  • This month has brought along many sighs of relief. My burdens are disappearing by the day, and the future finally looks hopeful. Of course, there is such a thing as speaking too soon. Anything can happen. I know that. But for the time being I want to enjoy this giddiness. I want to keep checking things off my life’s wishlist because it fills me with a sense of purpose. I no longer have dreams, but that is not a bad thing. I have moved on to accepting a life where I constantly improve instead. To me, there is nothing like looking back on where you were a year ago and realizing how far ahead you have come. That is what matters to me. That is why this month has been good to me. So… I’m happy. ^_^
  • So much rain this month too! AW YISS!
  • I am noticing a disturbing trend of public figures/companies using unfortunate circumstances to promote themselves or their products. You know, there is a difference between being brilliant at marketing and being ghoulish. Please have some respect for the dead and the suffering, and just… stop.
  • As in love as I am with music boxes I didn’t manage to get one until recently. I found one for $2 at a thrift store, and it is perfect. It hold my jewelries and plays pretty music ♥. Without a doubt, probably one of the best finds I’ve come across in a thrift store so far. I love thrift stores. It’s amazing what kind of things you can find in there for less than $5. I think one day I’m just going to go in there with $100 and have this crazy shopping spree. LOL. Being frugal and still getting nice things is extremely gratifying.
  • I had this scary moment where this dude behind me shouted, “Fuck you, bitch!”, and I thought some random guy was going to fight me for no reason at all. I mean, I was at the laundromat carrying my basket, so unless he was offended by the smell of fresh clothes I really couldn’t understand what terrible thing I did to upset him. Anyway, it was nothing. The guy laughed, said “not you, sweetheart”, and then went on yelling on the phone. This was around the time when I told myself, “Yup. It’s time to invest in my own washer and dryer. Like right now.” So, I’m going to start investing in a washer and dryer. Like right now.
  • Finding my tarot cards and feeling like Hitomi Kanzaki again. Nice.
  • Those creepy moments when I’m focused on something and I feel someone looking at me and I glance up to find Link in some obscure location, just watching like me like a hawk. What I love is that when I catch him he’ll turn his back to me like I’m the one who is offending him. He’s such a dick. -_-



✪ Art & Writing ✪

  •  I love getting into the theme of time in TMS. I think Ocarina of Time, Chrono Trigger, and Chrono Cross really fueled my lifelong fascination with time travel. I am not surprised that some aspect of it would end up in one of my stories. I am still interested in making that website dedicated to characters who have time travelled. It would be a nice little dedication to that interest of mine. I’m getting off track. Writing about anything related to time is really cool, especially when the protag becomes her own enemy because another version of herself is unintentionally creating paradoxes and just fucking shit up in her timeline.
  • Been doing plenty of drawing. Most of them are not even worth scanning since it’s just a bunch of random sketches on one page. As always, I’ll do my best to keep those art dump posts going. I’m surprised that I even managed to get three done in a year. Let’s keep this momentum going!


✪ Anime & Manga ✪

  •  Not much to add in this department. I’m actually like two episodes behind in Your Lie in April and Sailor Moon Crystal, so that should put into perspective what the rest of my anime life is like. I wish to remedy that in the future and maybe even discover some new anime to watch. We’ll see.

✪ Video Games ✪

  •  Dynasty Warriors 6: Empires is making me realize why Mayaya from Kuragehime is such a huge fan of The Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Such a great story and piece of history. I seldom disappear into video games these days the way I disappeared into DW6:E. In the beginning I just made this adorable custom character and ran around killing people, but once I did the manage-your-own-empire storyline I really felt like I was commanding an army of my own. It does take strategy. BTW, if you ever plan to play that game just know that Lu Bu is a dick and he’ll defect from your army in a heartbeat. Just because he can.  I should also mention that he’s really strong and voiced by Jamieson price. That is where he becomes worth the hassle.
  • I do realize I completely abandoned my FFVIII playthrough. I’m at that botched assassination attempt mission, and I don’t feel like dealing with that sewer level right now. There is always that one level or two in games that I love that I am just never in the mood to deal with. I wasn’t even in the mood to go through the Tomb of the Unknown King but it was New Years Eve and I was drunk and I felt like playing Final Fantasy VIII for some reason. So… there is that.
  • Portal 2. I finally sat down and beat that game, and it completely amplified my paranoia when it comes to anything with artificial intelligence. Once more I had to dodge getting dropped, squished, burned, shot, etc. to death because some robot with AI in Aperture Science’s testing labs decided to go full-on homicidal lunatic in the name of scientific testing. Surprisingly, it was not GLaDOS this time. Or at least she was not a homicidal lunatic for 100% of the game. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed the puzzles, even though I would miss the most obvious tactics and feel like a dumbass at times. D:
  • After being stuck in that damn fort in Eternal Sonata I am finally free to move on.  I really hate when that happens. Anyhoo, I got out, got through a few other levels, and now I’m actually getting somewhere. I’ll be honest though. Eternal Sonata… I feel like I am powering through it more than I am enjoying it. For the most part I am playing out of that impulse I get in RPGs to be a perfectionist, but I’m not really interested in the plot. I’m not too fond of the characters either. Outside of Frederic, Viola, and Beat I just don’t care about the rest of the cast. Probably because their voices and dialog are so aggravating at times that I have to switch over to the Japanese voices or risk muting the game altogether. Why does Allegretto keep saying “Did that make your eyes spin”? What the hell does that even mean? Shut up, Allegretto. I’m not even going to make sense of Salsa’s accent because it is atrocious. Like, really atrocious. I just can’t with this game sometimes. Sorry if you love it. I’m not saying it’s terrible. I’m just not feeling it right now. Maybe later on?
  • I’m playing NieR again (because I am a masochist), and I am accepting that as great as Nier is he is dense. How many hints do you need that shades are sentient before you realize that you’re probably a mass murderer? Then again, Nier might be entirely aware of what shades are, but he just chooses to play ignorant because he accepted that if it takes the entire human race dying for him to rescue his daughter then so be it. On one hand, you want to say he earns his title as “dadass”. On the other hand, it can be seen as unforgivably selfish. I just hate to think about it. Nier’s biggest flaw is that he is loyal to a fault. Is unwavering loyalty so horrible? The whole concept of loving someone so much that it makes you evil is… evil. Taro Yoko is evil for doing that. LOL. Anyway, it is a great game. I’m just going to keep replaying it until everything is perfected, and then shriek when the infamous delete-every-save thing happens.
  • So… Lightning Returns. I expected nothing short of a repeat of Final Fantasy X-2 considering the director. By this I mean the plot taking such a massive turn that it is almost unrecognizable when compared to the original, the characters making uncharacteristic changes, and a myriad of other unnecessary additions to the series. Buuuut I’m going to semi-nice by not turning this into a bullet where I just bash LR. The greatest aspect of LR, much like FFX-2, is its battle system. Paradigm shifts have been replaced with schematas, a highly customizable system of switching between three-types of roles that you can change to your liking. You can change Lightning’s clothes (as embarrassing as some of them are), change her accessories, change her weapon, change her shield, change the color of her attire and, best of all, change her abilities within that schemata. So as I said before it is highly customizable. Another major change is the countdown system in LR. Like Majora’s Mask, you have a certain amount of time to do things before the world ends; therefore, this is not the type of game where you can just fool around for five hours just for the hell of it. Unless, of course, you are gathering this thing called Eradia(?) (think of it as payment for helping people) that helps to extend the time you have left. Some people loathe this aspect of LR, but because it reminds me so much of MM I don’t mind it. In a strange way it does teach you how to manage your time better. If you need to do something but you can’t do it for another three hours then you have to spend that waiting time doing something else productive. That is where it all works out. I would list the “no healing after battle” aspect as a change, but it is optional. If you choose easy mode then you can still heal after battle… which is great when you put into consideration that you can only carry around ten restorative items at a time–phoenix downs and status ailment remedies included. You can get a curaga spell later, though, but you have to spend this thing called EP to use it, and so far it is difficult for me to gain EP unless I do plenty of random battles. Overall, it is a solid RPG, but a disappointment as a Final Fantasy game. Since I already wiki’d the plot when the game first came out there is really no powering through it for the plot. Mostly, it is just an impulsive need to explore and collect everything like I tend to do in all RPGs. So… there is that. -_-
  • If all goes well I might just get a Playstation 4 for my birthday. Once I do you’ll know… because I’ll take tons of stupid pictures and claim that I’m crying and all that jazz. I haven’t really thought of a name yet, but I should probably continue the trend of naming my consoles after precious gems and rocks. If I get a black PS4 then it will be Obsidian (Obi or Sid for short). If I get that white PS4 w/ Destiny bundle that Mark likes then I’ll probably name it Opal (Opie?). Or I could abandon that whole trend in order to find a new one. I’ll see. Anyway, it’s just a possibility. Nothing is set in stone, especially when it comes to finances… but I’m extremely excited nonetheless. :’)


✪ Books ✪

  • I borrowed this humongous book called “Leonardo’s Notebooks” from the library, and I am head over heels in love with it. It’s just a giant collection of Leonardo da Vinci’s sketches with his translated notes included. The man was definitely a genius in more ways than one. He managed to get art down to a science, relying on everything from mathematics to biology to astronomy to explain his art techniques. It’s extremely eye-opening and educational. I’ll be honest though. I had moments where I giggled at some of his notes because he gave so much sass. He said things along the lines of, “You guys are sorry artists, and if you painted like me then your art wouldn’t be so shitty.” Ouch. I mean, no lies detected, but ouch. His comments definitely made me want to get my shit together as an artist. LOL. He didn’t even attempt to use shade. He just offered tutorials on how to make everyone’s artwork suck less. Leonardo da Sassy~ Jokes aside, he was one of the bests. I have immense respect for him. If I could see one of his artworks in person it would be a very humbling experience, I am sure. I’ll just have to try not to flip out about it the way I flipped out when I saw one of Mary Cassatt’s artworks in person. That blew my mind for a good five minutes. And this probably belongs in the art section, but oh well.
  • I am gearing to start Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series. I keep hearing that it is a must for fans of fantasy books, so I need to stop putting it off and just get into it. I also heard GRRM got a lot of inspiration from this series when he wrote his ASOIAF series, so I’m hoping to find some inspiration too. I assume there will be time involved. That would help a great deal when writing TMS.


✪ Music ✪

  • I feel like this blog will slowly but surely turn into a Bjork blog. I’m sorry if you don’t care for her music. I’m just a huge fan. Bjork, instrumentals, classic rock, reggae, and 90s R&B–I’ll always yammer on nonstop about those music genres. Sorry. 😦
  • I highly recommend checking out “mayberrymusic”. I love all of her covers as well as her originals. Honestly, there are so many great composers out there who have no major soundtracks they contributed to or anything, but their works are often better than famous composers out there. Always support those budding, independent musicians who deserve to be recognized… because they deserve to be recognized.
  • Honestly, my music life has just been “Tour of Venice” on loop. LOL. It’s sad that I completely overlooked the Assassin’s Creed 2 OST for so long. I have a habit of sticking to the artists I love, and then putting off any attempt to venture outside of that. I mean, I already loved Jesper Kyd, but outside of “Dream of Venice” I haven’t really put much of his works on loop. I’m fixing that though. 😛


✪ TV & Movies ✪

  •  I almost want to consider The Forbidden Kingdom a guilty pleasure at times because as a rendition of Journey to the West it is… not the best. However, as a story, I actually like the message behind it. Anyone can become their own redemption story if they have the courage to face the unknown. Or get teleported to ancient China where you are destined to revive The Monkey King. That works too. Also, that one battle between Jackie Chan and Jet Li alone is amazing. I’m so glad they ended it in a tie because I am a huge Jackie Chan fan and Mark is a huge Jet Li fan, so we would have spent that entire movie bickering if one bested the other. Another also: SUN WUKONG. He deserves every tribute made to him in anime, manga, games, movies, TV shows, etc. I love everything Journey to the West. ♥
  • Big Hero 6 made me come to the conclusion that if everyone had a Baymax then the world might be a little better. Can you imagine a cute marshmallow wobbling around and trying to cure every injury or episode of misery that you have? I don’t know if I would ever be sad again.
  • Mark and I are debating about participating in that Marvel movie marathon that some theatres plan to do before the release of Age of Ultron. It is going to be a LONG marathon, if not an all-day event, so if we do participate in it we’ll have to dress really comfortable. I hope they allow us to bring things like blankets and pillows. LOL. Without a doubt Mark will fall asleep at some point, so maybe it’s not a good idea after all. He did also mention that it would be better to go to somewhere like Movie Stop where movies are cheap, pick up all of the Marvel movies we don’t have, and have our own comfortable marathon at home. That’s not a bad idea. Either way, Age of Ultron is a must. And it looks like watching at least a handful of Marvel movies before seeing it is a must too. We can always skip the sequels and work on the first movie that each Avenger had. That sounds alright to me.
  • I need to break my habit of watching every Oscar-nominated movie because seven times out of ten they are just not that great. These days it seems like all you have to do is play a physically or mentally disabled person to get a nomination. Oh, and drug addicts. Or people who are on the brink of poverty. I guess since those types of situations are always tearjerkers it leads to an automatic nomination. I mean, a movie that is well-written enough to get you emotionally moved is doing its job, but sometimes it just feels cheap. It seems like at the end of every Oscar-nominated movie someone dies or suffers immensely, and it’s only human to feel sympathy. In other words, emotional reaction=easy nomination. Either way, I need to stop. If the plot doesn’t sound like it’s up my alley then I just shouldn’t watch it.
  • Mark and I recently discovered that our TV can pick up Korean channels. Random but interesting.


✪ Whatever Else/Closing ✪

Oddly enough, it is becoming easier to post drawings than it is to post these types of entries. I guess my life is getting to a point where I am more focused on improving aspects of my personal life than actually going out and doing new things, and I rarely want to discuss my personal life because it’s boring. Still, the whole purpose of making this blog was to record the paths I take in life so I can look back on it one day and smile–or if I can’t smile about it then at least learn something from it. Therefore, boring or no, I should write. Always write.

Eh… What else? I’m seriously considering going back to college to focus on Information Technology or just anything in the field of computers really. Lately I’ve been really fascinated by programming, so I might as well get some proper training and make money off of it one day, right? I have coworkers in IT who get to work from home and still make a ridiculous amount of income. I really envy them. Working from home is not a huge must or anything like that, but the thought of getting paid to do something you love while in your pajamas is pretty sweet. And it saves gas. Really, I am picking up a shift in my mentality towards money. In the past my attitude was pretty much: “As long as we have enough to not be homeless, electricity-less, or foodless then I am content.” Now I am actually looking into the future and want better things for us. I want us to have more than enough rather than just enough. I want to reach a point where my family and friends can count on me to borrow money (it’ll be better if money is so abundant that I don’t have to expect repayment). I would like to have a house so we don’t have to deal with stomp-happy, loud-music-playing neighbors anymore. I would like us to take impromptu road trips when we have consecutive days off, and not have to worry if we have enough to enjoy any given city we choose to tour. In short, I want us to get more out of life than comfort, and that takes money. That takes pushing for something beyond mercenary work. That takes working past closing times and gaining valuable experience through college, training seminars, and anything that could be of use. Age is not a big deal to me. If we have to work hard in our 30s in order to have a carefree life in our 40s then that will be us, two nerdy 40-year-olds still playing tons of video games, collecting comic books, and so on.

I just have to remind myself that being fond of money does not equate to me being a gold digger (LOL). The definition of a gold digger is someone who purposely leeches money off of others, typically through tactics that involve seduction. That sounds nothing like what I aim to do. I want to earn whatever wealth I gain. I want to go through years of sacrifices in order to earn a promotion or position that pays a lot. If I don’t earn that money then there is no joy in it at all. That is the type of attitude I have. So, while I don’t want to be a millionaire or anything like that, I do want to have a couple thousand dollars just sitting in our savings account, you know? I want the photos of us in Rome or Tokyo or Toronto, and that means working hard for it. Therefore, I must work harder. Even when I tell myself that I am working hard I want to say: “You can do more. Work harder.”

… And that’s enough of that. LOL. I’m going to put my money where my mouth is, take any luck I can get along the way, and continue working for a future where Mark and I can experience more great things. Even if it’s just getting a new outfit every other week that is a great thing… because I got a new pair of jeans for the first time in years and I want like ten more pairs. XDD

Anyway, that’s all.

As always, take care everyone, and fight, fight, fight! ♥

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