• Time and memory, frozen in crystal

    "Everything feels like your fantasy, a night in your life. Close your eyes to find yourself in a mystic timeline."

  • Toshiyuki Watanabe feat. ORIGA (Voice of Heaven) – 遷宮(メインテーマ)

  • Historia Crux

    Hello! My name is Kerrian. I am a 30-year-old New York native who currently lives in Georgia with my 32-year old Illinois native husband Mark. And our 8-year-old blue tabby furbaby Link. And, if all goes well, a baby girl in Summer 2018. That’s pretty much our little family. ^_^

    When I’m not doing family stuff, I’m usually absorbed in one hobby or another. My hobbies include, but are not limited to, drawing, writing stories, playing video games, playing tabletop RPGs, reading regular novels and graphic novels, watching anime, cooking, decorating and organizing everything, learning new facts,  and finding new music, sci-fi, or fantasy creations to obsess over.

    Overall, I’m just trying to live life to the fullest like everyone else. I’m sending good vibrations to everyone! I want us all to win, so keep fighting! Take care!


    Lilypie Maternity tickers



    I pretty much insta-add/follow back everyone unless your screen name has some kind of slur in it or something. Don’t be that person. -_-

    NNID: kerrian
    3DS Friend Code: 1693-6646-2394
    Steam: themoonrabbit



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094: Vetur/Sumar/Samanrenna


✪ Personal Life ✪

  • It really sucks. And it happened in the middle of my paid subscription so… yeah… my money was wasted and I have to remake the playlists I made for my stories. The shit I put up with for music. LOL
  • I did a free trial of Amazon Prime and it was nice. They have a decent selection of TV shows, free two day shipping (awesome btw), and other neat benefits. I’d recommend it, especially if you’re like me and you order things that are less than $10 yet the shipping cost is like…$10.
  • Recently went to a comic book convention with Mark and found a decent selection of comics: Daredevil, Ghost Rider, Saga, a Wolverine and Elektra story drawn by Yoshitaka Amano–great stuff for cheap.
  • I was listening to the “This American Life” podcast and there was a story that got me misty eyed. These two divers lost one of their own when he never resurfaced from the ocean. Rather than let the ocean claim him completely one diver named David made it his goal to retrieve their fellow diver’s body. The thing is that in order to retrieve him they had to dive to dangerous depths. The storyteller followed David as far as he could beneath the ocean before his own equipment began to malfunction. Prior to dealing with a series of fainting and vomiting spells that left him hospitalized the storyteller noticed David’s light deeper in the ocean. It wasn’t moving or anything, but he told himself that there was hope and that David will greet him on the surface in a matter of time. Well… it didn’t work that way. Shortly after his recovery the storyteller was informed that David’s body was found along with footage of his final moments. The description of what was happening in the video broke my heart. It turns out that David found the body of that diver but, unfortunately, in the middle of recovering it his wires tangled and he was trapped underwater. What really caught me off guard though was learning that David’s body resurfaced with the body of that drowned diver strapped to him. The storyteller commented that in the end David succeeded in bringing back the body he risked his life to obtain, as bittersweet as that was. I don’t know why but this story haunted me for days. Even now I keep thinking about it. Somehow, it really put into perspective everything from morals to mortality, and as nice as it is to gain valuable lessons this one was… unsettling. As it should be, of course. The process of adjusting to a new truth or insight is not always fun, and often times it can just be soul-crushing, but the payoff is growing wiser. As sad as this story is I am grateful that I heard it.

✪ Art & Writing ✪

  • I have been drawing a lot but all of it is in my sketchbook, so I haven’t been able to scan anything. I might take pictures. I don’t know. It’s just a bunch of pen doodles that I am doing as practice.
  • I haven’t written anything recently either. I’ve really been trying to write again but I just have no idea where to start. Countless ideas and plot twists and character development routes and I can’t even put a fraction of that into a decent sentence. It’s such a waste of all this inspiration I’ve been bottling up. 😐

✪ Anime & Manga ✪

  • Haven’t watched any animes lately besides Sailor Moon Crystal. I know summertime is usually when all these new animes start being released, so I’ll see what’s coming up.

✪ Video Games ✪

  •  I am really loving Xenogears so far. I can’t believe I waited this long to play it. I am familiar with the company, the artist, the composer, and some other names look familiar in the credits too. Plus those anime sequences WITH voice acting. That’s not a big deal now but when I consider that Xenogears came out around the time that FFVII came out then yeah. It’s pretty impressive. So far my favorite thing is Fei and Citan using martial arts in battle. I never get tired of making those combos. It’s really fun. I’ll even say that it is more fun for me than operating the Gears. The only thing I really love about the Gears is when you’re fighting normal-sized enemies and you’re this giant-ass robot just punching them into the ground. Brutal. LOL. I really can’t wait to see how the plot unfolds, so… play, play, play.
  • Other Vita games:
    • Chrono Cross – Made it to Lizard Grotto. Not sure when I’ll go back to playing.
    • Bust a Move 4 – Man… Fuck that alien.
    • FFI – Didn’t start yet.
    • FFII – I started this game so many times when I had a ROM of it and then later when I got FF Origins, but I never got around to finishing it. So… here goes my umpteenth attempt.
    • (I don’t have FFIII-FFV but I’m working on it)
    • FFVI – I just made it out of the Narshe Mines. I would like to make it to the point where I left off eons ago, but that will take time. D:
    • FFVII – Since I finished a playthrough last year I will hold off on replaying this until much later on.
    • FFVIII – I don’t know if I’ll download FFVIII or not because I still have a playthrough just sitting on Steam. Getting FFVIII on the Vita will make it much easier to play though. *sigh* This is tough.
    • FFIX – Still in Alexandria as Vivi.
    • FFX – In Luca, getting ready to save Yuna from the Al Bheds and then win a trophy for the Aurochs. I forgot how sad it made me to see Kimahri get bullied for being different by Ronso standards. It just always bugged the hell out of me when I played the game, so of course it really moved me when he beat those guys’ ass on Mount Gagazet. My love for Kimahri knows no bounds. ( ; w ; )
    • Minecraft – This fucking game. LOL. I really love the fantasy texture though. I’m already building a castle that will take up two islands that are adjacent to one another. When I’m done I’m going to connect them with a bridge and turn the entire planet into my palace. Fufufufufu~ Of course that takes a fuckton of cobblestone, so I’m just mining, mining, mining, kidnapping farm animals by forcing them into my yard, and mining.
  • I downloaded that new DA:I expansion, but I won’t be able to play it until Mark is done with his usual Destiny and Defiance marathons. LOL. I’m really looking forward to it. I haven’t played DA:I in a while. I still have a (future) knight enchanter elf that hasn’t even gotten to Skyhold yet. So… That needs to be amended.
  • If all goes well I’ll be getting a PS4 before this month is through, so I’m pretty excited! I really want to see what kind of nifty things the Vita and the PS4 can do together. I’m also looking forward to The Witcher 3. I already have it reserved, so it looks like I’ll have some sleepless nights ahead of me. Yay~

✪ Books & Comics ✪

  • I’ve been listening to this GOT podcast, and every Friday one of the hosts discusses all of these insightful things about the ASOIAF series. Some are considered “tinfoil” theories, yet even those make me me look back at some things and go, “Ahhh, I see it now.” It really makes me want to re-read the series again, just to see how many hints of foreshadowing I can pick up. The person I am most curious about is Patchface. After Melisandre warned Jon that he was dangerous it made me go back to all the things he said and wonder if they might be more prophetic than just harmless gibberish from a man who obviously lost his mind. I really think once winter comes it won’t be the main characters who will blow everyone’s minds but the characters you don’t even think twice about. Yeah, that sounds like a route GRRM would take. He is brilliant. No one can deny that… I hope. Anyway, I can’t wait until the next book. I don’t pre-order many things but you can bet your ass I will preorder that book the first second it is available.

✪ Music ✪

✪ TV & Movies ✪

  • Daredevil was amazing! But I’m not saying anything that hasn’t been said 1,000 times on the internet already. Charlie Cox was fantastic as Matt, Rosario Dawson is always phenomenal, and the same can be said for Vincent D’Onofrio. It was just a really great series that I could not help but binge watch.
  • Season 5 of Game of Thrones is really good so far. I heard that the most recent episode was written by D & D’s assistant which is… fucking amazing. They should make him write more because that scene between Stannis and Shireen was heartwarming. It has been a long time since GoT managed to get emotions like that out of me. Either way, I don’t mind most of the liberties they are taken. If it was just a carbon copy of the books then book readers would have nothing to look forward to, you know? On one hand, I know which path the characters will likely end up on. On the other hand, I might end up surprised when the writers take a different route and shock me in a good way. I like that a lot. I can’t wait to see where this season goes.
  • Eastbound & Down is fucking hilarious. I probably facepalmed more than I laughed though. Kenny Powers is so unbelievably delusional and narcissistic that it is just painful to watch at times. I’m not even going to talk about that ending because it is just the type of thing that Kenny would end up doing. LOL
  • Finally started on Hannibal and I love it. The cinematography is just beautiful. Grotesque at times, yes, but incredibly well done and interesting to look at.
  • Grey’s Anatomy… What the hell, man. This show is ruining my life. I can’t take it anymore. 😦
  • After hearing a lot about Steven Universe I finally watched it and it is really good. Like Adventure Time good.
  • Alright, time to discuss Age of Ultron. I’m not going to spoil anything. I’m just going to be completely honest and say that the movie… fizzled. At least for Mark and me. And several others whose opinions I’ve read on websites and listened to on podcasts. The movie itself was not bad. I am not telling anyone that it is not worth seeing. It is definitely worth seeing if only for the action scenes alone. But the way I felt when I walked out of the first Avengers movie was nothing like the way I felt walking out of AoU. With the first one I was smiling ear-to-ear, and Mark and I talked about it for days and we felt newfound adoration for these characters we grew up with. With AoU, though, we both looked at one another with this “that’s it?” look on our faces. Like, even the post-credits scene didn’t have us excited for the upcoming movies. My reaction was along the lines of, “Yes, everyone who knows the plot behind the upcoming Infinity War is aware of this.” Even people who aren’t aware of it have watched enough Marvel movies to see that post-credit scene coming. It was a waste to me. Sorry. I would love if they used that scene to introduce another superhero or unforeseen conflict like they used to do in the past. And that’s just my issue with that 2-3 minute scene. Throughout the movie itself I found my cheek in my palm too many times, waiting for the plot to get to the point or move beyond the forced attempts to emotionally move the audience. I like emotional moments in superhero movies, just as I like funny moments in superhero movies, but with AoU those things happened so frequently that they kind of drained the movie of its epic heroes-saving-the-world feel at times. That’s all of the bad things I have to say about the movie. The good thing is that it is as charming as Joss Whedon works can get. The characters remain loveable, the humor while ill-timed at certain moments are still funny, and the series itself remains cool. The introduction of a certain hero (I’m sure he was announced long before the movie came out but I’ll still omit who it is) was well done to me. I loved Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch. The fight scenes were great. Overall, it is not a bad movie. If I had to give it a score I’d give a high 7/low eight out of 10 compared to the high 9/10 I would give its predecessor. Of course, this is all my opinion. You may very well watch the movie yourself and say, “It deserves a 10” or “It deserves a 0”. It happens.

✪ Whatever Else/Closing ✪

I feel like I’m missing out on some things, but so much has happened since my last entry that I can’t really keep track of all of them. Overall, I haven’t really been “here”. If I’m not disappearing in some random report then I’m disappearing into my projects or whatever game manages to capture my attention on any given day. That is not a complaint at all. I recently had the worst panic attack of my life–one where I considered calling 911 before I just dismissed myself and recalled how to breathe properly again. The thing that bothered me most about that particular panic attack besides the obvious fright that comes with suffocation is that it had no trigger at all. I was not in a crowded place. I was not in a situation where I felt outnumbered or overwhelmed. Nothing was wrong at all. In fact, I was happy before that panic attack happened. After I got myself back together I was upset for the rest of the day because I realized that I had been overlooking one major fact in my life: problems ignored do not just go away, they get worst. Just ignoring something like the flu will not make it better, so I don’t know why I think ignoring the fact that I have anxiety will just make it disappear. It is getting worst and worst, yet I don’t have patience for the methods of curbing it out there. I hate environments like hospitals and doctors. I hate getting analyzed by anyone, including professionals like therapists. In general, I hate being in any type of situation where I have to say: “Yes, I have an issue that I cannot fix on my own and with ample time. Please help me.” Even when I have a panic attack and someone notices I will laugh through some fabricated story about choking on my spit or something… a sad attempt to make light of an issue that should not be laughed at. It is scary. I hate to admit it but it is scary. And all the self-help workbooks in the world will not guide me through whatever underlying issues are causing my mind to go into fight-or-flight mode without warning.

I guess what I am saying is don’t be like me. If you have an issue, physical or mental, then seek all the help you can get. At this point I believe I am a hopeless cause. Before I do anything I will let it get to a point where I am entirely helpless. That is one of many ridiculous facets of my personality that I work constantly to change.

*sigh* I’m going to find something to disappear into now. It is better than dwelling on things I cannot fix… or will not fix because of dumb excuses.

Take care everyone.

Also, happy mother’s day to all the mothers and happy graduations to all the graduates. ^^

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