• Time and memory, frozen in crystal

    "Everything feels like your fantasy, a night in your life. Close your eyes to find yourself in a mystic timeline."

  • Toshiyuki Watanabe feat. ORIGA (Voice of Heaven) – 遷宮(メインテーマ)

  • Historia Crux

    Hello! My name is Kerrian. I am a 30-year-old New York native who currently lives in Georgia with my 32-year old Illinois native husband Mark. And our 8-year-old blue tabby furbaby Link. And, if all goes well, a baby girl in Summer 2018. That’s pretty much our little family. ^_^

    When I’m not doing family stuff, I’m usually absorbed in one hobby or another. My hobbies include, but are not limited to, drawing, writing stories, playing video games, playing tabletop RPGs, reading regular novels and graphic novels, watching anime, cooking, decorating and organizing everything, learning new facts,  and finding new music, sci-fi, or fantasy creations to obsess over.

    Overall, I’m just trying to live life to the fullest like everyone else. I’m sending good vibrations to everyone! I want us all to win, so keep fighting! Take care!


    Lilypie Maternity tickers



    I pretty much insta-add/follow back everyone unless your screen name has some kind of slur in it or something. Don’t be that person. -_-

    NNID: kerrian
    3DS Friend Code: 1693-6646-2394
    Steam: themoonrabbit



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★彡 Mark finished Deus Ex: Human Revolution yesterday, and I finished Mass Effect yesterday. So, it’s safe to say that yesterday was a good day for gaming. First, let’s discuss Deus Ex. Spoilers ahead:

  • DXHR: So, of the four endings, Mark went with the one where Jensen destroyed everything in that building, including himself, and allowed mankind to control their own destiny. I agreed with many points of that ending, but I really believed that the mass deserved to know what happened in that building. I think about augmentations the same way I think about cigarettes: if you want to use them, you need to know the pros and the cons, the benefits and the dangers. No one should be forced to be ignorant of their own surroundings because one person thinks they know what is best for billions of people. We are human beings. We are very intelligent beings who are more than capable of making choices that are best for us. The only difference between people who think a lot and people who don’t think at all are priorities. That is it. Anyone who puts priority in logic will be logical. So, in short, I have faith in mankind to make decisions that will protect our race, but first we need to know everything. All the options and information has to be on the table. So, as much as I disagree with whatever his name was for hacking augmented individuals into killing each other to prove the dangers of augmentations, I agree with his point…and I probably would have done something far less evil to drive that point. Maybe I would make everyone with that biochip do the Hokey-Pokey just to prove how easy it is for someone to take complete control of their body, and make them understand that risk. If it scares people into abandoning augments then so be it. Knowing the truth about cigarettes made a lot of people abandon it, but that is not a misfortune to humanity…just the people selling cigarettes. And the safety of the mass is always more important than the wallet of a few individuals. But that’s just me. *shrug* Without a doubt, though, one of the most profound endings I’ve seen in a video game. I love that they used photos and clips from our world to explain how we relate to Jensen’s world. Pretty neat!
  • Mass Effect: In b4 “YOU’RE JUST BEATING MASS EFFECT?”. As I told Tiffa, I am the Slowpoke of gaming. LOL. Anyway, yes. I finally beat it. I didn’t have to do much though. I convinced Saren to commit suicide, so that took care of that…temporarily. He later turned into a geth stalker-type monster which was a pain in the ass to tackle. Nonetheless, it was definitely a powerful ending to a wonderful game. Beautiful! I cannot wait to see how my choices affect me in Mass Effect 2…and then Mass Effect 3…and the DLCs of course. I’m really looking forward to meeting that Prothean party member. I am curious to hear about the horrors he witnessed as someone who was there during the Prothean genocide, and knows first hand how the reapers operate. I am definitely worried about the types of terrible things that will happen once the reapers actually start invading in ME3. I’m really excited! I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow. I want to play games until I pass out again. TT___TT

…Well, the plus side is that this is going to be a short week. So, the weekend will be here in no time. I doubt I can beat Mass Effect 2 in one weekend, but maybe I can wrap up Final Fantasy XIII or even Skyward Sword. I’m very close to the end with those. We’ll see…

★彡 Since I’m on the topic of games…The Witcher is making me feel like a creepy womanizer. I have this thing about collecting everything in an RPG collection, so when The Witcher offered the feature to collect cards of different women in the game, my first reaction was: “Sure. I’ll collect them all.” But I immediately realized that (a)all of the women are nude and typically posing in a sexual manner, and (b)the only way to get these cards is to make Geralt have sex with the women on the cards. So, I often find myself planning methods of getting women to sleep with Geralt just to get cards…thus the feeling of creepy womanizing-ness, but…an incomplete collection…I can’t allow that…*weeps like Professor Farnsworth*

★彡 As of late, I’ve only been in the mood for tea with honey, miso soup, canned salmon, and steamed rice. And tomatoes. Lots of tomatoes. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I guess I could have worst food cravings. So, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Just an unusual thing.

★彡 Link’s favorite past time: finding an inconspicuous corner to hide in and stare at us. When we catch him staring, he will squint his eyes for about ten seconds. From what I’ve been told, this is a cat’s way of saying: “We’re on good terms”. So. I guess he’s telling us that he’s not staring at us because he wants to kill us. I can be grateful for that.

★彡 I had fun playing Pictionary with my sister and her husband-to-be this weekend. I was laughing so much. My favorite part was when Jon (her fiance) drew this pizza guy for the ‘Pizza Delivery’ prompt, and he gave him the most depressing expression. LOL! I was also laughing at Mark for trying to draw ‘mudslide’ by drawing Muk (yes, the Pokemon), and a slide. The thing is that Muk looked like Boo Berry, so I pretty much had a ‘WTF’ expression the entire time he was drawing. He knows that I’m going to rip on him every time we see the Boo Berry cereal in the cereal aisle XD. Either way, Pictionary inspired me to start drawing again–on a daily basis anyway. I probably draw like…7-10 pictures a month now, and most of them end up in the trash. Yeah, it’s pretty sad.

★彡 I’m making a Crystarium-based reward system for my weight loss progress. Basically, I progress one node for each day that I eat healthy. I get another node for every hour of exercise that I do. For each pound I lose, I also get a node. So, plenty of opportunities to progress ^_^! There are 7 levels and 30 nodes on each level. For every level I pass, I get a prize. I haven’t come to a final decision on my prize list, but I have a rough-draft list below:

  1. Book or Manga ($10 value)
  2. Artbook ($25 value)
  3. Drawing and Writing Supplies ($35 value)
  4. Anime Boxset ($50 value)
  5. Video games ($75 value)
  6. Shopping Spree ($150 value)
  7. New console or tablet computer ($300 value)

That’s all I really have for now. I’ll come up with specific items later…if I even do that at all. I have a crystarium drawn, so I just have to scan it and print seven for each level. *crosses fingers* I hope that I do well.

★彡 It looks like the rumors of Valve getting into the video game hardware market is true. I am more than intrigued. I am very excited! There isn’t a Valve game that I’ve played and did not like. They are always breaking barriers with their products. They did say that they were frustrated by the lack of innovation in the market, so I’d like to see what they have in mind. >_>

★彡 I get really annoyed with anyone who wants me to make a decision for them. It’s one thing to ask: “What is your opinion?” but it is another thing to badger me with questions like: “What would you pick?” and “Can you choose one for me?” One of the greatest luxuries you can have in this life is a choice. Even if it is just choosing between ketchup and mustard, it is a choice that some people will never have the opportunity to make. Therefore, you should not jump at every chance to hand it over to someone else as if it is a burden. It is your life, your money, and your freedom. Make the best of it. And if you want to throw a tantrum because you want a complete stranger to spend $300 for you and she doesn’t want to…then you just need to take a nap or something. I don’t know what else to say. You’re useless, and someone needs to stop paying you.

★彡 There are three things I never want to talk about in a conversation (a blog is another thing altogether XD): my love life, my anatomy, and my beliefs–spiritual or otherwise. To me, those topics are fertile ground for troublesome things like argument and gossip. Furthermore, I’m typically untrustworthy of anyone who is nosy about my relationship, what I do with my body, and what I believe in. I just don’t believe it is ever necessary to discuss private things like that over lunch or to pass the time. There are billions of other things to talk about, you know? Furthermore, while I do not believe it is wrong for people to want to reveal those things to others, I’d rather not hear about it. I know from experience that people have a habit of getting offended if I am not as excited and happy about those topics as they are, and will immediately write my indifference off as silent disgust or disapproval. Not even close. I just do not want to talk about those things. I do not want to talk to people who always want to talk about those things. I definitely do not want to talk to people who get upset or jump to assumptions about me because of my right to choose what I am comfortable with. So. Yeah. I don’t know what else to say. If you want to stick your nose in other people’s romantic life, diet habits, and spiritual beliefs then open a sleazy tabloid magazine.

★彡 I hate clutter, and this apartment happens to have A LOT of clutter. The issue is that Mark and I like to collect things. No, not hoarding. Collecting. Big difference. LOL. We only keep things that have a relation to a theme we are obsessed with. Mark is toys, books, and movies. I am books, anime, and mangas. Which is fine. But we made a big mistake by thinking: “We don’t need a big apartment. That’s too excessive. We can live fine in a small one.” Yes, we are just two people and should have no issue with a small space…but we’re two geek people, and every geek will learn at some point in her/his life that their love for their hobbies sometimes transcends their income, space, and many other reality-based limitations. In our case, we understand that our funds are limited, but we don’t understand that space is limited also…until now. And adding a cat to that equation is no help at all. Link has this thing where he claims a section of the house for a few days, and NOTHING is allowed there until he is done claiming it. I’ve watched him try to push the vacuum cleaner out a corner he claimed, and failed miserably. But, damn, did he try. LOL! Without a doubt, we need a storage room ASAP.  October is our deadline. If we don’t have a storage room by October, I am tossing everything outside. For serious. -_-

★彡 The hardest part about learning the piano is putting more faith in my subconscious and less faith in my conscious. It is difficult for me to believe that my hands will figure out the keys before my mind can. Or, better yet, I believe it can. I just don’t want it to. I want to make my mind control everything my hand does but it’s not going to happen. Not when I’m trying to memorize notes and how the melody should sound at the same time. Piano playing…it is much like drawing to me. You cannot afford to think about all the lines and curves when you draw. You just have the image in your head, and you trust your hand to do what your mind is thinking. I just have to trust my hands to follow what my mind is thinking. That’s the best way to handle it. Still, it hard. My goal in life is to play at least one song from Masashi Hamauzu’s “Vielen Dank” album, preferrably “Die Wahrheit” or “Kaki”…but I’m never going to get there if I can’t even master ‘Jingle Bells’. LOL

By the war, I am entirely obsessed with “Die Wahrheit”, so I’ll post it:

Okay. I don’t know what else to add. I guess that’s it. I’m just going to wrap up this mini-vacation with cleaning, hair washing, and tackling more games from my pile of shame. That’s about it. I hope everyone had fun this weekend. Enjoy the short week, and the upcoming weekend! ^_^

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Here is a picture of me being excited about this:

Yes, that is me. I’m camera shy because I’m really a bunny. Thanks for understanding, everyone.

Back on point. FUUUUUCCCCKKKK. It’s really fixed you guys. No towel or standing-on-the-console tricks that only work for one day until you’re just like: “Fuck it. I’m just going to put this shit in a box and curl into a ball to die.” It’s actually been repaired. The guy was even awesome enough to give a 90 day warranty on all of his repairs. So, if we run into the E74 error again before 11/17/12, we get our XBox repaired for free. Pretty nice, huh? If you live in Atlanta and you have a broken XBox 360, visit http://www.360unlimitedatlanta.com. The guy is legit! We only had to pay $40 for our repair, and he fixed it in about two hours. Mark and I had the chance to talk to him too. He’s really cool. We talked to him about Mass Effect, Dark Souls, Skyrim, Deus Ex: Human Revolution, and other RPGs we were all obsessed with. It’s funny. When we told him that we didn’t have a working 360 for the past five months or so, his reply was: “WHAT?” LOL. Completely understandable. I don’t know how we went so long without one, but…never again. Especially knowing that such a skilled person with such great prices lives nearby. Overall, a very pleasant end to a very unpleasant five months. Now, if Mark and I can come to an agreement on how to divide 360 time…because the “whoever Link comes to first gets to play first” technique does not work….he just ignores us. -_-

★彡 We have a new employee at my job, and over the past week we’ve talked about Final Fantasy, drawing, writing stories, Gackt, The Lord of the Rings, and the relationship Tetsuya Nomura has with belts. I can’t even describe the feeling of relief I had when I was introduced to him by my manager, and he said: “Is that the Lionheart necklace?”. Guys. Guys. Listen. Guys. Listen. Guys. I finally work with someone who speaks my language. It’s been a good…five years since I worked with someone who even knew that there was such a thing as RPGs on this planet. Just think about that, and imagine all the feels.

★彡 My little sister officially owns a house. I’m so proud of her ;___;. I’m proud of all of my siblings to be honest. Despite where we started off, we all ended up becoming well-off adults. To rephrase my older sister, none of us are stuck in a “Wow, that’s fucked up” type of living situation. We come across misfortune, but we share that desire to overcome it no matter what. That is something we have in common despite our very different paths in life, and very different personalities. Back on point, congrats to my little sister! That’s an amazing accomplishment to have under your belt at 23! ^_^

★彡 If I could, I would subscribe to 20 magazines, and just revel in the excitement of constantly having something new to read in my mailbox. Then again, I heard of a website where you can have books mailed to you. Kind of like Netflix…except with books. I’d have to check it out later and see. It does sound like an awesome concept though.

★彡 You win, Nerd Fitness. I will give Paleo a try. First, I’ll have to find 35 Paleo recipes though: 10 for breakfast, 10 for lunch, 10 for dinner, 5 for snacks/appetizers. I’m not going to put too much focus in snack/appetizers since picking up an apple or something doesn’t require a recipe. I hope. LOL. In the end, Paleo is interesting…and since I am the type of person to try everything at least once, I wouldn’t mind. This comes after the whole 21 day cleanse though. I believe some Paleo recipes may conflict with the cleanse recipes, so I will have to just ease from the cleanse to Paleo.

★彡 How do I love thee, green tea? Let me count the ways. :u

★彡 If you plan on having a gaming marathon this weekend or in the future, please participate in G3 (Gaming and Giving for Good).You get to play video games, and help others in the process. XBox Live is even giving away free gold membership this weekend, so you can encourage your friends to join you in G3 too. You will never find a better reason to have a gaming marathon. I promise you. And if you don’t play video games then now is great time to learn. You will take part in a wonderful cause while also growing closer to the members of your household who play video games. So, really, what’s the harm? I understand if you have important plans this weekend, but if you’re just sitting around the house with nothing to do, and you happen to have a pile of games that need finishing, then this is a good time to start on them. DO IT. Ask your friends/family to sponsor you, or sponsor yourself. It doesn’t matter. All it takes is a few dollars, a love for helping others, and a love for challenges. ^^

Also, check out extra-life.org. They’re having a 24 hour gaming for charity marathon in October. So let’s plan for that and, of course, do not forget to donate as well! >_<

Alright, that’s all I have to post. Have a great weekend, everyone!

G3/Extra Life participants, play plenty! 🙂

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☆彡 Before I begin, I want to wish my best friend a happy birthday! Happy Birthday, Tiffa! ♥ ^_^

☆彡 I am really happy that GI did an entire issue about co-op games, but it sucks that I can’t even try out the co-op games in the magazine because my 360 insists on staying broken. *weeps like Professor Farnsworth*

☆彡 Blooming tea is great! It’s so cool just watching the flower blossom in hot water before you drink it. If you’re a fan of tea or just flowers in general, you have to try blooming tea.

☆彡 If anyone asks me to choose between Papa Nier and Geralt, I will probably scream like a pterodactyl and fly out the window. And I can’t believe I spelled pterodactyl right on my first try. I need a sticker.  😮

☆彡 I ranted enough about the whole Gabby Douglas hair fiasco on facebook, so I’m not going to repeat myself. I am just going to say that I am very proud of her and the other Olympians who put their energy into doing magnificent things. I am happy that they know that there are people out there who will always support them. That’s what matters in the end.

☆彡My co-worker and I are starting this  21-day eat clean challenge on Tuesday. We’re excited ^^! It will definitely be difficult, but I am long overdue for a detox. It is not natural to feel as tired as I feel all of the time. Even when I sleep plenty, I still feel tired. I am not completely confident that a detox will help. I am well aware that it could be something more than just eating unhealthy foods; however, something is better than nothing. I need this type of healthy change. I will just write this off as a hunter diet since I am completely incapable of doing anything productive unless I link it to something fantasy related. LOL

☆彡 I think this is the longest I kept a blog without randomly deleting everything. I am so obsessed with change that commitment to a blog, of all things, bothers me. It’s pretty sad. -_-

☆彡 I am watching this documentary about Comic Con, and it makes me proud to be a geek. I am proud of geeks in general. I get the feeling of being “home” when I witness other geeks speak so passionately about their favorite heroes, movies, books, games, etc. I am always in awe at the collections, the costumes, the information and intense discussions about the backdoor secrets of a fandom that you never heard. It’s great. That is my greatest regret about not going to a major convention yet: I miss the chance every year to talk for hours about The Legend of Zelda and science fiction and The Lord of the Rings and The Hulk and Final Fantasy and…wow…just everything that I love. It is really worth all the money in the world. There is no such thing as money wasted on that type of experience. I really wish I could go. ;___;

☆彡 Speaking of geeks, I just want to say this: never stay with anyone who pushes you to hide your passion for your passions. I find that to be the most depressing thing to witness. There are many sad sights, but there is something just…soul crushing about watching a person hide everything they love in some dark attic so their partner won’t yell at them or label them an embarrassment to everyone that they love. It is the reason why I look at people who tell me to tell Mark to give up his love for toys sideways. Where is the evil in him collecting toys? To me, it is awesome as shit. But even if I had no interest in his interest I would not tell him to stop…because you can’t say that you love someone and not become shit happy when their faces light up. I would live in a house with a million action figures always in my way just to see that smile. That is one of many aspects of love. You can’t say that you love someone, and feel accomplishment in taking their happiness away. It’s just such a selfish and asshole-ish thing to do.

☆彡 …Every language I am attempting to learn is due to my loving a song that was sung in that language. For example, I learned Latin because of “One Winged Angel”. Anime songs sparked my very first desire to learn Japanese. Now I have hundreds of reasons to learn Japanese. I want to learn Esperanto because of “Memoro de la Stono”. Yeah…it’s kind of weird. I can admit that. LOL. Even now, I am growing this great desire to learn German simply because of “Das Wandern”. *sigh* I guess it’s better than some other reasons I’ve heard…like: “I want to learn _____ so I can curse out _______ people.” I have heard that. It was definitely a facepalm moment.

☆彡 Is it natural to read over your own stories and say to yourself: “Wow, I am a terrible person,”? LOL. That’s how I feel working on Mythos. I don’t know what the fuck happened. It went from this campy hero story to a LOTR-esque type story to just…dark. It’s like watching Final Fantasy take a slow turn into Game of Thrones. I sometimes wonder if too many crappy things are happening in such a short period of time. I almost want a pull a George R.R. Martin and warn people not to get too attached to anyone…and do it with a smirk like he tends to do. XDD

☆彡 I would love to start an online shop where I just draw things for people…mainly caricatures. Then I can work with companies that print t-shirts, mugs, and things like that so customers can make personalized items with their drawings. If I charge $20 per drawing, and then add a $20 profit on top of the bulk pricing I can receive on printed items, I will make a $30-$40 profit per order. I’ll see…I definitely have to start doing some research, but at least I have some experience working with online shops now. That will help a lot in the future.

☆彡 I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL SEPTEMBER. I can’t even express enough how much I am looking forward to September. One, I will get a raise. Two, summer will be officially over. Three, possible new apartment. Possible. But I am hoping for a definite. 😀

☆彡 Never fall for the idea that only ultra attractive and popular people get stalked. Anyone can get stalked. In high school, I was an unpopular, frumpy, and tomboyish nerd (still am -.-), yet I ended up with two stalkers. It can happen to anyone, and it can go from harmless fascination to full-on horror movie extremely fast. Please do everything in your power to stop the stalking before it turns into a crime scene. Get evidence, and get witnesses as soon as you can because authority will just write it off as he-said-she-said without proof. Additionally, do not tell yourself that someone of your gender or someone you know cannot be a stalker. People have been stalked and endangered by their own spouses, family, and friends. Women have been stalked by women, and men have been stalked by men. It is not always out of some twisted idea of love. Sometimes, someone just wants to be in your life or have your life so badly that they are willing to violate your every right to see that happen. It’s something no one wants  to ever experience, but one should always hope for the best, yet expect the worst.

☆彡 One of my favorite places to go is the farmer’s market. There are so many different vegetables, fruits, spices, and items from other countries that I have never heard of before. It is always exciting to learn new things. I love being around so many different cultures at the same time, and taking in all those different aspects of them.



This entry is just all over the place. Sorry ^^;;

Well, I am going to start playing some Skyward Sword and The Witcher. WAY far behind in both, but at least I finally acquired all of the Triforce songs in Skyward Sword. I have a lot of quests to do in The Witcher before I even progress story line wise. I’ll get it done though. After that, I would like to do some writing, and finish up this Alan Moore comic collection that I borrowed. That should make this weekend pretty productive in terms of hobbies. Outside of that, cleaning and such. As usual.

That’s about it. Take care, everyone. >_<

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( NEAT. )

As happy as I am to finally have a full-time job, it is tiring. Or maybe it is tiring because I am taking in so much information and new changes in one week. Either way, I am exhausted! It’s only 10:30 p.m. but I am already ready to sleep. This is good. It’s far better than my usual 2-3 a.m. time.

Well, I’m going to head out. But, before I go, some pictures! This has been a fairly cool week. >_<


Sorry about the sideways pictures, BUT CHECK THIS SHIT OUT! After months and months and months of searching, I finally find a Barriss Offee action figure. I am not opening this. Fuck that. But I will leave it on my wall so I can admire her forever.


Creeper Khajit. It tickled me, so I had to take a picture of it.


My goal is to have enough Buddha-related things to fill many rows of empty shelves. So, if you see anything Buddha- related please let me know. It will bring me a ridiculous amount of happiness.


Last but not least, my LARP (Live Action Role Playing) Diet center. If it’s LARP Diet related, I tack it on the wall or I put it in the box on the ground below the picture. Didn’t take a picture of that…since it’s just a box full of crap. LOL. In RPG fashion, it does involve a lot of guidelines, and a lot of math, but it is fun. You can probably see Barriss hiding between my board, and the jellyfish poster XD. The board has the “30 Things To Stop Doing” on it since I believe that physical health is damn near impossible without mental and emotional health. I read this aloud every morning and every night. It…”centers” me. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like the day pushes me over, and this poster turns me back to my proper position. I’m very happy that I did this.

What else…? Oh, there is that chart with my measurements. Luckily, you can’t see my measurements there because the quality is so bad. Fufufufufu~ I’ll end up posting all of that crap at some point anyway. The way I see it, if I am too ashamed to say my measurements out loud then maybe it’s time to change my measurements, you know? -_- Either way, working on that. You may see that my deadline is Halloween, and you may also see the random video game ladies scattered around the board. These are the women I want to dress up as for Halloween. So, that’s my motivation. I also need a picture of Korra at some point, but I’ve yet to print one. I will soon.

Okay. That’s about it. I’ll post more pictures and updates later. Especially E3 updates. I’ve been keeping up, but it’ll take HOURS to sum up how I feel about everything. So…this weekend, I hope.

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☆彡 Bucket List: Part One

  • Own a motorcycle (and ride it daily)
  • Watch the entire Sailor Moon series from beginning to end in one sitting
  • Have $5,000 in my savings account
  • Finish a sketchbook
  • Meet the Dalai Lama
  • Meet Nobuo Uematsu
  • Travel to Canada
  • More cats
  • Not live in Georgia anymore (fuck I hate this place)
  • Learn Japanese or Esperanto
  • Attend E3 or Comic-Con at some point in my life
  • Go to bed before midnight every night (yeah right…)
  • Road trip to Seattle
  • Get a black belt in some form of martial arts
  • Buy a house
  • Get paid to draw
  • Finish a Pathfinder or D&D campaign
  • Write a book

☆彡 I promised not to speak lowly of myself or say untrue things to make others feel better. The way I see it, any person that expects me to bash myself so they can feel better is not a good person to be around. A good person to be around would support me. So…no thanks. Exchanging my confidence for a person I don’t really care about is a terrible trade.

☆彡 It is already April, yet Mark and I haven’t started a ‘The Matrix’ or ‘The Lord of the Rings’ marathon yet. I don’t know. I guess I’m more focused on The Legend of Korra, Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, and a bunch of other shows I am missing because I lack cable. No excuses, right? I just need to lurk moar.

☆彡 Metric. Black Sheep. Help, I’m Alive. That is all.

☆彡 Finished Catching Fire today. I can’t believe the book just ended right there. *falls in a slow circle and dies* Oh well. I’m going to visit the library tomorrow and cross my fingers for a copy of Mockingjay.

☆彡 My sleep schedule is so stupid right now. I’d do just about anything to get to bed and wake up at decent hours. -.-

☆彡 I like speaking to people who succeed at losing a lot of weight (50 pounds or more) because they’re real. They’re not celebrities who secretly hire trainers or hire chefs to cook for them. They’re everyday men and women on limited budgets and time. I’ve picked up a lot of tips over the years, but in the end it really comes down to motivation…or, in my case, finding out why I am so intimidated by weight loss. I guess I already know the answer. I just don’t know how to face it properly. Long story short, I dealt with a lot of stalking, sexual harassment, and unpleasant things like that when I was thin. I didn’t intentionally put on weight to protect myself from that, but I did find that food was comforting and that being fat stopped a lot of harassment I faced. But, as someone told me, food is not my friend. It is not therapy. It is not filling any voids I have. It is just fuel. And she is extremely right. Eating junk is not going to make me happy in the end. I just have to take advantage of the thick skin I obtained over the years, and do what I have to do against people like that. I can keep practicing karate, and not only use that to get fit, but to also protect myself. I am not trying to come out of this as thin as I used to be. Being skinny is not a priority to me. More than anything, I want to be strong. That is why I am so obsessed with weight lifting, I guess. If I can train myself to bench press 150+ lbs. then I can probably grab someone by the neck and toss them aside. That’s more of an inspiration to me than bikinis and skinny jeans. I guess that’s weird, but what else is new, right? ^u^

☆彡 All of the unexpected bills Mark and I have been dealing with lately have been both a blessing and a curse. A curse because having more bills than money is never a good thing. But it’s a blessing because it forces us to lead a more humble life. The truth is that Mark and I do not enjoy indulgence. We’re always talking about moving to an isolated village, growing our own food, and living off our land. That’s the type of thing we consider paradise. But we fall into the same trap that a lot of people fall into. The I-need-it-now-or-never trap. It really makes us spoiled. Sometimes I think back to how we used to be when we were first going out, and what little we had between each other, and it makes me realize how much we’ve changed. I don’t want to become a slave to money, trinkets, and first-world luxuries, you know? Even if I win the lottery, I want to pursue that life we dream about where I work hard for the things I have.

☆彡 Spectrum Nexus had a prank for April Fools’ Day. They released a Berserk manga update, but when you go to read the manga the image won’t load. It’s just blurry and it says: “Loading error. Please try again later.” Of course, my first instinct on April Fools’ Day is to trust no one and nothing. So, I already went into the Berserk manga thinking: “Let’s see how this turns out,” but a lot of people were FURIOUS about it. The site owner even had to apologize for it. This only reaffirms what I already know: Do not fuck with Berserk fans. They are not playing around. If you say you have something Berserk related and you’re lying about it…prepare yourself. LOL. Seriously, I can imagine ‘Sign’ playing in the background the moment someone lies about a Berserk update. Then I can imagine the furious Berserk fan pulling out Guts’ sword out of nowhere and cleaving people in half. Yep. That may actually happen someday. Once more, do not fuck with Berserk fans. XD

☆彡 Going through Dark Souls withdrawal. *weeps phantom tears* Why do I love you, Dark Souls, when you’re such a dick? ;-;

☆彡 For some reason, my eyebrows are growing very thick after I shaped them up last time. I was going to shape them up again, but I realized that I am better off with thick eyebrows. Neat eyebrows are great for people who are very meticulous about how they dress…but I’m fairly tomboyish. I don’t think a tomboy with neat eyebrows is a great combination. At least not for me. LOL. Besides, I’ve been introduced to the whole ‘ulzzang’ culture and most of those girls do nothing to their eyebrows. And they still look incredibly pretty! Here’s an example:

Of course, I’ll have to pluck stray eyebrow hairs that like to grow in random locations. Like, seriously, right above my eyelids? What are you smoking, eyebrows -_-? Otherwise, I’ll leave it as is.

☆彡 Since I’m on the topic of beauty, I would really like to learn makeup one day. No time soon, but in the future. If I am going to attempt makeup then it has to be subtle. No neon green eye shadow with purple lipstick and bright red blush. I…I can’t do things like that. It has to look as natural as possible. The only thing I’ll use generously is maybe mascara and eyeliner. Even then it won’t be like…raccoon generous. Just enough to know it’s there. Once more, in the future. Far future. When I am confident with doing things like that. Right now, though, I have to focus on one thing at a time. Beauty will get my time when I’m ready.

☆彡 I keep thinking about how great it will be to finally attend art school. It’ll be expensive, yes, but leaving art school with the ability to do things like 3D renditions, animation, and character design…it’s really exciting! It’s one of those things that will help me career wise, and hobby wise. I guess the only thing to do now is wait. Have patience. See how things turn out. Then, once it all begins, put my best effort and do not slack off. Not even for a second. I’m sure that if I keep this mentality from start to finish I will graduate with impressive skills. Maybe impressive enough to work for big companies like Blizzard, Bioware, Square-Enix, Nintendo, Gearbox, LucasArts and Bungie. Who knows? I may be able to branch off into movie, cartoon, and comic books. An artist is an artist is an artist. Well, I’m not going to wait around until I graduate to make an impression. I’m going to draw everyday — all day — until my fingers fall off. Then I have to reattach them, of course, because I need them. But in the end I’ll be better! *pose*

Okay. That’s it. I’m going to go to bed. Not even remotely tired but…I’ll attempt to straighten this sleep schedule of mine out the best I can.

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☆彡 I finally started on Turn A Gundam. So far, it’s very good. I can’t stop laughing at the Turn A Gundam though. A Gundam with a mustache? Yeah, that’s going to take time to get used to.

☆彡 I am taking a break from drawing people. I want to focus on things like landscapes, inanimate objects, coloring techniques, buildings, weapons, armor, mechs, vehicles, and whatever else comes to mind. I’ve been trying so hard to separate from this anime style that I have, but my hand instantly does what my mind is used to. So, I’m going to draw things that my mind is not used to. Easy enough, eh?

☆彡 I have an everlasting pile of books I need to finish reading…and three more on the way from Amazon. They were great deals! $0.02 each! But…yeah…it is probably safe to say that I have a book problem.

☆彡 Lately I’ve been thinking about returning to college for art-related reasons. I’d like to take up a course that will get me up to date with the most trusted graphic design softwares, and also teach me other useful skills. Mark told me that most web design courses will teach me how to use art softwares for website graphics, so I might just get into that. It’ll also help me with designing my online portfolio, you know? I’ll see. I’m checking out several places right now, but I’m really liking Full Sail University.

☆彡 Three people I’ve known for a long time (two my entire life) are getting married. I’m so happy! Everyone is growing up so fast ;___;! But this means that I really have to get in shape, and do something about my terrible…everything. I don’t want any of the brides to get asked: “Who is that creature in row five?” LOL. So, as of now, I plan to do four things religiously: drink water, lift weights, wear masques, and take vitamins. Mostly weightlifting. It’s good to know that I won’t bulk up unless I take hormone-manipulating drugs, so I am lifting weights and strength training like a motherfucker. It’s one of my favorite things to do.

☆彡 I’ve decided to become a monk in Pathfinder. It took me centuries to decide…but I’ll be a monk. Now, on to the stat sheets and I’ll be set.

☆彡 Japanese is going along well, but I really don’t like kanji. SERIOUSLY WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF THEM. I read somewhere that it is also difficult for Japan natives to learn kanji too, so I guess I shouldn’t beat myself up too much about not catching on quickly. It’s funny. Every time Mark and I come across a manga or anime that isn’t translated, he turns to me and shouts: “WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?” Keep in mind that I’ve only been studying for a month, and I just barely understand spoken Japanese, hiragana, and katakana. LOL. Glad to know I’ll be of use to someone once I am fluent in Japanese though. Actually, I’d like to translate animes and mangas when I learn everything, so maybe I’ll help others too. 🙂

Later. ♥

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