• Time and memory, frozen in crystal

    "Everything feels like your fantasy, a night in your life. Close your eyes to find yourself in a mystic timeline."

  • Toshiyuki Watanabe feat. ORIGA (Voice of Heaven) – 遷宮(メインテーマ)

  • Historia Crux

    Hello! My name is Kerrian. I am a 30-year-old New York native who currently lives in Georgia with my 32-year old Illinois native husband Mark. And our 8-year-old blue tabby furbaby Link. And, if all goes well, a baby girl in Summer 2018. That’s pretty much our little family. ^_^

    When I’m not doing family stuff, I’m usually absorbed in one hobby or another. My hobbies include, but are not limited to, drawing, writing stories, playing video games, playing tabletop RPGs, reading regular novels and graphic novels, watching anime, cooking, decorating and organizing everything, learning new facts,  and finding new music, sci-fi, or fantasy creations to obsess over.

    Overall, I’m just trying to live life to the fullest like everyone else. I’m sending good vibrations to everyone! I want us all to win, so keep fighting! Take care!


    Lilypie Maternity tickers



    I pretty much insta-add/follow back everyone unless your screen name has some kind of slur in it or something. Don’t be that person. -_-

    NNID: kerrian
    3DS Friend Code: 1693-6646-2394
    Steam: themoonrabbit



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087: Schemata


Protect Drakengard protagonists at all costs!

✪ Personal Life ✪

Let me begin with this: I fucking hate mosquitos and learning that there is one in my home from all the itchy welts that popped up out of fucking nowhere is irritating as fuck. It’s fine. Link will kill it soon enough. Bye, Felicia.

Outside of mosquit0-loathing, life has been…hot. Every year I tell myself I will not cut my hair in the summer, and every summer I find myself standing outside of barber shops and contemplating it. This year, though, I will hold off. It’s a pain to become dependent on bands, clips, and pins for the next 2-3 months but…anything beats a sweaty neck. I mean, sweating in general grosses me out but when the back of my neck is sweaty it makes me want to scream. Another fine example of me being overemotional about silly things, but completely unemotional about the things I am supposed to express some feeling towards. *shrug* Oh well.

Ah, what else? Debating about getting another cat. Our only concern is Link. He is very territorial. There are many times when he’ll claim something of ours as his own and he’ll bite us if we try to take it. Yep…big ol’ adorable douchelord. LOL.

My microwave and stove decided to die at the same time. Yay!

The final thing. This probably belongs in the art section, but fuck it. My new obsession has become decoden. It started when I was looking for some cute covers for my 3DS, and it ended with me realizing that I could make my own covers for 1/4 of the average price. All you really need is a clear plastic cover for like $2 on Amazon and some decoden with glue. Websites like Sophie & Toffee offer a huge variety of inexpensive decoden. I love all the pearls, rhinestones, diamonds, and bows. Anything pink with leopard-print is cute too. It’s all really fun. I would recommend it to anyone who wants to decorate their phones, handheld consoles, laptops, etc. Of course, practice is necessary. I am a colossal newbie so I am still working hard and refusing to show anything in public until I am happy with it. When I am through, though, I would love to possess the skills to make something like this or this. Ah! Cutesy things will be the death of me! *_*

That is all for now. If I find any other weird hobbies to get into I’ll post about it. XD


✪ Art & Writing ✪

Art has been…technical. A lot of maps. A lot of poorly sketched cities/towns. Things like that. The more I work on Mythos, the more I realize that a world that massive needs a bit of planning before I start delving into the story.

Speaking of story, I somehow went from a set title and a set amount of books to pretty much tossing it all in the air. At this point Mythos is just a working title because Odin is no longer the main character. In fact, he does not even exist until the second book. The biggest premise of Mythos now is Elda’s life over her 1,000 years. I would like one book for every 100 years that she lives. Naturally, Telluria changes a great deal over the course of the story. It starts off Westeros-ish, turns Ivalice-ish, and then becomes heyday Zanarkand-ish before it all goes to shit–much like Zanarkand. LOL

Still…I am worried that I am biting off more than I can chew. Writing and reading about immortals or anyone else who lives for a very long time is enjoyable. That is all that matters, right? Enjoy it and write the type of story I would want to read.

✪ Anime & Manga ✪

In terms of anime, It’s been 1990s Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon Crystal, Knights of Sidonia, Sword Art Online II, and season 2 of Free. Oh, and Dirty Pair. I haven’t seen that anime in years, so it is nice to rewatch Kei and Yuri being the adorable failures that they are. LOL. Manga-wise, I am still waiting for another Berserk update. I am trying to find another manga to get into but nothing has really piqued my interest. Oyasumi Punpun kind of wore me out emotionally by the time I was done. This time around I want to read something more upbeat like a shoujo manga. I’ll do my hunting later. -.-


✪ Video Games ✪

I downloaded FFVII on Steam for five bucks, and that has pretty much been my video game life ever since. I also managed to get Sonic 2 for $3-4 but that Chemical Plant Zone level pisses me off like nothing else. It has been this way since time immemorial. The first time I played Sonic 2 like 5,000 years ago I zipped through Emerald Hill Zone, got stuck on Chemical Plant Zone for like five days, and zipped through the rest of the game once I managed to beat it. WHY. What messes me up are those blocks that disappear and return, and those moving platforms that I always miss. So my dumbass always end up falling in the ocean and drowning. Fun. *sigh* Oh, well. At least I am still a somewhat natural at FFVII. Really, it is just an RPG at the end of the day. Unless you just suck at forming strategies then RPGs are usually child’s play compared to other types of video games. At least to me.

Um, what else? Portal 2 is on sale too! $6! Of course, it’s great to see that GLaDOS is still a raging asshole.

Yep… Summertime is the best time for poor/cheap gamers. So many price reductions! ♥

The cheapest way to enjoy games though? Youtube. I live on Youtube because of all the game walkthroughs on there. The first one I buckled down and watched was Drakengard 3. Yeah, I couldn’t wait anymore. I am not getting a PS4 any time soon. Anyway, I loved it! Zero is my queen! Every time she said something I just had to sigh and say: “You’re amazing, Zero.” LOL. In type Drakengard-Nier fashion there were different branches to the story. I want to say branch A is the “true” branch because it pretty much explains the start of The Cult of the Watchers in Drakengard, but branch D seems like the best one to me. Besides, the novella pretty much confirms –SPOILER: the existence of One’s brother— so the fact that he does not show up in branch D does not mean that he does not exist. Also, I like any branch where — SPOILER: Zero and Mikhail survives.  Overall, not bad at all. I haven’t watched any of the DLCs yet but I will.

Beyond, DOD3 I watched Burial at Sea and Deadpool as well. I want to watch Lightning Returns but the playlist has like 90 40-minute videos. Fuck it. I’ll watch it then move on to Assassin’s Creed 4 and Tomb Raider. Once I get the funds I’ll actually play some of these games. They look so fun! BTW: I recommend GameOXO. (S)he plays well and there is no annoying commentaries to deal with. I know some people like commentaries but…eh. Only a few people are actually funny. Other ones are just meh. It depends, I guess. I hear a lot about pewdiepie but I haven’t watched any of his videos yet. I’ll try.

Okay, that wraps up gaming. Lots of good games to play/watch, so I’m happy in this department! ^_^


✪ Music ✪

I’ve been listening to the same stuff on repeat. As usual. I do like Lana Del Rey’s “Ultraviolence” album a lot, but that’s pretty much been it.


✪ TV & Movies ✪

AJ Lee is back. Y2J is back. Roman Reigns is still the fierce king of my soul. Yep, all is good WWE-wise.

As for Game of Thrones, that season was…meh. If it is true that they’re going to wrap up the show without waiting for GRRM to release the last two books then I am really worried. The liberties they took so far have been pretty disappointing. It is not even a stay-true-to-the-book thing because some shows and movies can better then the books they are based on. It is more of a “Okay, so you’re really going to do that?” thing. Maybe it will all piece together. We’ll see.

I’m still into the 2011 Journey to the West TV show from China. The same goes for the JttW movie from Stephen Chow. Yes, this has been a very JttW year though some of it has been disappointing. Oh well. Can never get enough Sun Wukong.

Saw the new Transformers movie. Let’s just say that if anyone ever wants to torture information out of me feel free to play that movie on a neverending loop. 😐

Yeah…that’s about it. Tonight I plan to watch “Extant” because (a) Halle Berry plays the main character, and (b) it’s a sci-fi TV show with an interesting premise. Let’s see how that goes.


✪ Whatever Else/Closing ✪

My birthday arrives in nine days. *shudders* Yeah, once I hit 25 birthdays stopped becoming fun. I mean, Mark is 30 next year. My bb is getting old, and I’m always two years behind him. Blah. What can I do, right? All I want is to improve as a human being every single day. I’ve learned that it is pointless to say things like “I want to ____ when I’m 27!” or “I better have _____ when I’m 30!” Life is one of those things you can never plan for. Looking back, I had books upon books of plans that ended up in the trash because life pretty much said “nope” and curb stomped every plan I had without mercy. I am done with destinations and deadlines. I have dreams, I have goals, and I have infinite means of becoming a better person. That is the best I can do.

…By the way, I am already receiving the dreaded: “Oh, you’re turning 27 this year? When are you going to have a baby?” questions, and it makes me want to break my face on a brick wall. Please stop. ;_;

All of that said, I am off! Lame entry–or at least lamer than the usual lameness. I know.

Take care~

Technical Difficulties + Kyary Pamyu Pamyu


Well, our internet router and TV died on Monday. Yes, during the week of FUCKING GAME OF THRONES.


Fortunately, though, everything sorted itself out in a matter of hours. One, our IP sent us a replacement router that arrived and activated Friday night. Two, our income tax also arrived–and it is decent enough to pay bills, pay rent, and still have an ample amount to replace our TV. Three, even though this has nothing to do with our technical difficulties I picked up a copy of 1Q84 along with an omnibus of George Orwell’s 1984 and Animal Farm. So, that is an extra bonus!  We still have not replaced our TV, but we are set on a $150 LED TV with a four-year warranty. That warranty part is a major relief. The now dead TV only lasted for roughly two years so…a warranty is extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely comforting. Ah…what else? Right! Replaced our broken vacuum too, so we don’t have to live in a dusty-ass apartment anymore. Yay! Also, found an inexpensive five-tier bookshelf which means we can finally get all these books off the floor–finally.  Um…that is pretty much it. Everything is unfolding quite nicely which means my date with Game of Thrones on Sunday will also go along nicely. This is assuming that Lady Luck does not metaphorically kick us in the face again. ;____;

Alrighty. I’m off to continue my writing marathon. Before I go I will leave you with the ultimate picker-upper: Kawaii Princess Kyary Pamyu Pamyu. I had to make a blog theme about her because she really pulled me through this week. I am certain that if I did not have her cheerful music serving as the backdrop to every aggravating event I went through I would be grumpy as hell. LOL. So, I’m going to post some songs I love. Who knows? Maybe it will cheer someone else up too.

I’m off. Let’s hope this weekend goes smoothly. 

082: Não Chora Menina


“Close my shark , human.”

★彡 I beat Dragon Age 2 a few days ago. I was a warrior the first time around, so I am going to replay as a mage. That should make the plot a lot more interesting. Not that replaying really matters. Anders is still going to ruin my life again…with his anger-induced possessions and love of cats and unshaven pony-tailed face. Ugh, fuck off, Anders.

☆彡 *slowly teaches Mark to stop asking my permission for everything* (LOL)

Seriously, nothing gives me joy like Mark buying things and going places without seeking my approval first. Yes, I understand that his heart is in the right place, but…he’s 28 years old. It’s kind of depressing for a 28 year old to have to get permission from a 26 year old to do shit, you know? I don’t even let 60 year olds tell me what to do better yet people younger than me. Then again, I am the type of person who hates being ordered around (unless I’m getting paid to or I have immense respect for the person giving orders), so I value independence and personal space a lot. I never want to be in a position where I am forced to strip someone of independence and space every human being deserves. Oh well. He will learn. He is learning. That’s good enough for now.

★彡 Glad to see that Rey Mysterio is back. Sadly, that’s pretty much all I care about in WWE right now.

☆彡 I don’t know why I wait until December to hang up lights. I’m just going to string them around my bedroom and leave them there all year. Also, I have yet to own a tree that wasn’t green, so I’m going to get a blue or white tree this year.

★彡 Man, the ASOIAF fans who haven’t read the books yet are in for several headfucks next season. The purple wedding alone is going to be *in Zack Ryder’s voice* siiiiiiiick (…wait….what am I doing? I hate Zack Ryder). Anyway, just a few more months, ASOIAF fandom. Almost there.

☆彡 My blowdryer decided to explode on me and then make a Silent Hill-esque siren noise afterwards. That wasn’t terrifying at all. Luckily, there was no fire. It was just loud and smoky. 

★彡 I plan to get A Link Between Worlds very soon. I haven’t gotten around to it because I have a pile of books on my desk, and I’ve been going through them at breakneck speed. Finally. I should be all caught up within the next week or so…book-wise anyway. My gaming pile is still pretty pathetic.

☆彡 The worst feeling in the world is when you catch yourself doing something despicable and suddenly you question everything about yourself. I am by no means a goody-two shoes. My need to constantly explore new things is to blame for most of that. But there are definitely some lines I never cross, particularly lines that involve hurting others. I can live with hurting myself but not others. The truth is that I am a completely different person when I am in the middle of a panic attack. While I am in that mode, self-preservation is my only priority. Everything and everyone else stops mattering. That doesn’t change the fact that selfish is selfish. I don’t believe for a second that this part of me is impossible change. I just…need to put myself in panic-inducing situations until I learn to have complete control of myself during them. Until then, I am a dumb loser during 50% of my life. Whomp-whomp.

★彡 The things I am hearing about the XBox One are…tragic. The XBox 360 has been so pleasant for me that I hoped that the XBox One would be a worthy upgrade of it. Meh. I guess it is high time I got back to Sony anyway. The last time I owned a Sony console was back in 2004 or so when my PS2 broke. I have nothing against Sony. XBox just had a better selection of games these past few years, and games that were once Sony exclusives became multiplatform. This time around there are important-ass exclusives like Drakengard 3, Final Fantasy XV, and Kingdom Hearts 3 that I have to look out for. Also, there are some old Sony exclusive titles like Chrono Cross and a few Final Fantasy titles that I would love to download. So, a Playstation 4 is a definite for me. It’s just a matter of when I save up $400.

☆彡 The thing I hate most about my stories is that my characters have so much potential, yet they always end up the same one-dimensional carbon copy of the last character. I don’t spend enough time really fleshing them out. It’s easy to say: “this one is laid-back” or “this one is energetic”, but actually putting details into a character like pet peeves, addictions, allergies, fruitless dreams, poignant memories–that takes real effort. Effort I seldom give. For now, I am going to stop working on plots and drawings, and start working on those little things. I also need to work on more characters outside the main characters. Supporting characters don’t get enough credit for the life they give to stories. They are just that: support. I need to remember this! Well, I’m not going to worry too much about NaNoWriMo at this point. It is damn near impossible to meet the word count goal so late in the game, and my head isn’t really into it this year. I just want to crack open my Mythos binder and contribute more to it than fancy costumes. LOL

★彡 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia gives me life. I have never laughed so hard in my life.

☆彡 I am currently working on a way to modify my bo staff. I’m in the sketching and tossing crumpled paper across the room phase right now. Not fun…but turning my bo staff into a Final Fantasy like weapon is going to be sweeeet. I thought about turning it into a lance, but as often as that thing topples over I don’t think it’s a good idea to add a blade to the end of it. LOL. I’m just going to stick with a basic staff. Right now I am set on something between Yuna’s starting staff and her Nirvana staff. I want to name my staff “Phantasmagoria”…because it’s my favorite word. Yes, I know I’m a colossal loser. Leave me alone. 😐

yunas base rodFFX_Weapon_-_Nirvana

★彡 I’m glad that Nier is finally getting the respect it deserves. Thanks Game Informer for pointing out what a masterpiece it is.

Also, fuck what the Nier haters said.


Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and please be careful if you participate in Black Friday.

0 3 7

 Time for an entry with shooting star ascii and shit! I am excitement-but-not-really!  Yay!

★彡 If you have no idea what is going on in that gif then you need to Mass Effect and Adventure Time moar. Or don’t. It’s cool.

★彡 Speaking of Mass Effect, I finally finished the entire series. Like many, I was not happy with the ending. I was not expecting it to end with butterflies and rainbows, but I was expecting an ending with more…effort. I don’t really know how else to put it. I just know I got the feeling of robbery that I got from watching The Matrix trilogy. It was just constant amazing-ness until the last ten minutes. Still, I sympathize with Bioware and EA as I sympathized with the Wachowski brothers. I cannot imagine what it is like to watch a humble project of yours turn into this…pop culture phenomena overnight. Suddenly, you have millions of people at your back telling you how to run your own story. It must be stressful. So, I am grateful for them adding things like supplements to better explain their reasoning for making the ending the way it is, and (hopefully) when I download that extended aftermath DLC, I will get a better understanding. Then again, it’s not so much understanding. I understand why it ended the way it did. I just don’t understand what compelled the writers to write such an ending. In other words, I want to come to the “this feels right” conclusion they must have felt when they chose to end the game that way. I…always want to understand the things that baffle or confuse me. That’s just the way I am. Nonetheless, I will never say the game was a waste of time based on a few minutes I didn’t agree with. The series is amazing. I only regret not starting it sooner, but better late than never. I can’t wait to try out some of the DLCs. In fact, when I get the time and funds, I’d like to download every single DLC, and play the game again. I cannot wait.

★彡 Moving is so frustrating, especially when it’s one of those on-a-whim types of moves. Well…no, not whim. We have to move for our own safety. I don’t need anyone to tell me twice about leaving this place. When your car gets stolen and your apartment gets broken into in a one year span, that is all the reminders you need. Then again, it’s more than just leaving. If I could just leave with no repercussions, I would have left the moment my car was taken; however, there is such a thing as a lease. Moreover, the fuckton of fees that come with moving into a new apartment. I have to pay $500-$600 first month’s rent for a one bedroom. Then pay $200 in administrative fees. Then pay $300 deposit for Link. Then pay $100-$600 for a security deposit based on credit. Then…wow…whatever other fees they want to fucking toss in there. I don’t have that kind of money just sitting around. If I just had $1,000 lying around then I wouldn’t even live on this side of town. I’d go to the next city over with the expensive but safe and pretty places to live. So…it’s complicated. It’s always complicated for us. Luckily, this incident occurred a week or so before our lease renewal date, so we dodged a bullet by not signing for another year. Regardless, this is still not something that was planned ahead. We planned to stay here until we could afford better. We weren’t expecting to move out within 30 days. So…yeah..what can I say? It’s just…life, you know? We have to adapt. No matter what happens in the next few days or weeks, we have to adapt. So, we pack. We go where we can, and we do our best. That’s our plan. 🙂

★彡 This is entirely odd for a self-proclaimed tomboy to say, but makeup isn’t so bad. It’s like painting or drawing…except on your face. LOL. Will I wear it everyday? Probably not. But it is still fun.

★彡 I miss the old days when being sprawled on the floor with paper, pencils, and art supplies everywhere was considered a norm. When I look back on my past, those moments were always the highlight. There is really nothing like it. Then again, it’s kind of silly to talk about those moments as if they’ll never happen again. The only thing stopping it is me. That’s something I need to realize: that regaining something from my past is not impossible. Memories are in the past, but not opportunities. One is never too old to restart or continue.

★彡 I finally got around to reading Kick-Ass 2. Wow…just wow. Mark Millar sure knows how write fucked up shit. Fucked up, but good though. I can’t wait until the third one. Or at least I hope there’s a third one. Please don’t end it that way! ;_;

★彡 I’ve been reading “Fluke”. It’s funny as hell. I will always be thankful for this book introducing me to the phrase: “heinous fuckery most foul.”

★彡 I think my TV might be dying. One day while Mark was playing Mass Effect 3, it flashed this red color, and then the colors became REALLY dim. We’ve been messing with the contrast and brightness to make it look decent, but now it has this annoying green tint all of the time. *sigh* One thing after the other. I swear. LOL

★彡 Things to catch up on: The Walking Dead – Season 2, Sherlock Holmes – Season 2, You Only Live Twice, Thunderball, Diamonds are Forever, Game of Thrones – Season 2, Supernatural – Season 8, Stephen Colbert, Parks & Recreation, and…a few others. I can’t recall them all. I just know I’m going to have a busy next few days. >_>

★彡 I’ve been working on a story lately, but I don’t know how it will affect NaNoWriMo. I’m thinking that with all the stuff going on and the general busyness of November, I probably shouldn’t participate at all. I already know that I will have a limited amount of time next month to even breathe. *sigh* That’s fine. It is probably better, creatively, to work freely than to have this 30 day time limit on my back.

★彡 Favorite quote right now – Aziz Ansari: “Better town hall questions: do you fucks with srichacha?”

★彡 Speaking of the town hall debate, these past three debates have been rather interesting. I am really looking forward to the last one. One thing I will definitely do during that debate is read Aisha Tyler and Aziz Ansari’s tweets. They are funny as hell.

★彡 I don’t know what else to say, so I’m going to post Adele’s “Skyfall”. I’ve had it on loop for a while now. It is definitely a worthy Bond theme. Then again, I’m not surprised. It is Adele. No one was expecting her to sing it terribly.

At least I hope not. e_e

Good night. May add more tomorrow.

0 2 1

☆彡 E3 is three days away, and I am already pretty pumped up. This may actually be a great year for gaming. Last year was…okay. I was not expecting the Wii U announcement, but I was expecting pretty much everything else. I hope that I experience a lot of surprises this year. As always, I am focused on Square-Enix, Bethesda, Bioware, Atlus, Nintendo, and Microsoft news. I am a bit indifferent to Sony these days because I neither own a PS3 nor a PSP. So, I can’t really get excited over games that I can’t play. Either way, looking forward to some gaming news all week next week!

☆彡 I decided to replace the OS on my laptop (Vista) with Ubuntu. I do not regret it. Vista has to be the WORST effing OS I ever worked with in my life. From the first day that I received my laptop, Vista has been annoying the crap out of me. I hope Ubuntu gives me less of a headache. Of course, I’d rather study Linux a bit more just in case I run into any bugs or errors that I can’t fix. I’ll also like to eventually switch out my hard drive for another. The one I have now is considered one of the worst ones out there…so it’s time to make the change, I would say. Truthfully, this is pretty exciting. I like projects like these. I will basically be modifying my laptop inside and out to create this perfect machine. I only hope it turns out all right.

☆彡 I am reading so much that my eyes are screaming. Why do I do this to myself? *sigh* If I think I have it bad now then I’m going to go blind when I finally purchase every book from the The Journey to the West series. My eyeballs will just melt and roll down my face. Then, knowing Link, he’ll probably eat it. He eats everything that falls on the floor. 😦

☆彡 I have a really bad habit of playing a series in the wrong order. For example, I started Elder Scrolls at Morrowind then Skyrim and now I’m playing Oblivion. I plan to go back to the first two at some point. LOL. I guess it’s not so bad. It’s kind of cool to meet characters in a current game, and then work backwards to figure out their past. That is kind of what is happening with Barenziah. I saw her in Skyrim, read her biography in Oblivion (and was made fun of by Mark for spending three hours in the bookstore like I do IRL), and Mark told me that I can run into her children in Morrowind. Or he believes he ran into them in Morrowind. He can’t remember. But reading about her got me thinking of the stories that I read about Dark Elves (also Drows in DD and Dunmers in ES), and how…fascinating their race is. For a lack of better term, Dark Elves are dicks. It’s the truth. Their entire way of living is based on domination, aggression, and violence. You have to lie, cheat, steal, rape, and murder your way to a higher ranking house (your house is your family basically). And since Dark Elves live in a matriarch society, the Dark Elf women do almost all of the lying, cheating, stealing, raping, and murdering. The men are just there for breeding, following the orders of the household’s matron, and even sacrifices to the Drow goddess. The stories of Drizzt, especially the beginning of his life, explains A LOT about the type of society there. It is like nothing else. The truly fascinating aspect of Dark Elves, though, is how they function away from the Underdark, and on the surface where their habits are not socially acceptable. Few Dark Elves shift lifestyles gracefully. They often stumble through the journey of villain who wants to be a hero to hero who was once a villain. Drizzt had his father to introduce him to righteousness at a young age, but those Dark Elves who had an abrupt shift from Underdark Drow to surface Drow have a hard time grasping things like justice, and honor.

You know, when Brynhildr died on me, I also lost all of my files…including my stories unfortunately. I didn’t really think about that until I had some free time and I wanted to write and I realized: “Oh shit. Everything I worked on is gone, and I didn’t back it up!” LOL. Either way, I could easily rewrite everything, but I don’t feel like doing that right now. I want to take a break from it all by working on another story, and I think a story about a Dark Elf would be fun. On one hand, I have this fear that my story will somehow be too much like Drizzt’s story, but on the other hand I know that the life of a female Drow and a male Drow are nothing alike. Even on the surface, a Dark Elf woman is treated differently than a Dark Elf male. She is feared like any Dark Elf, but at the same time she is often fetishized, and taken advantage of. Drows are highly promiscuous by nature. It is less conscious, and more like an animal in heat. Constantly. So those who fetishize the Dark Elf women tend to play on that biological trait by feigning a desire for long-term relations with them. Dark Elves (like Barenziah) sometimes end up pregnant from these encounters, and they are almost always treated with scorn. A fetish for Dark Elves is not exactly a widely acceptable one. It is usually teamed with shame. A Dark Elf female must have it extremely rough above the surface, you know? Especially knowing that in the Underdark she would be treated like royalty, yet on the surface she is treated like a slave and a prostitute.

Once more, it’s all very interesting…so I should stop talking about it, and start writing about it. >_<

☆彡 If Au Gratin is wrong then I don’t want to be right. Seriously, it’s one of those rare foods that I enjoy preparing, making, and eating. I’d rather not give it up. Ever. :/

☆彡 This is the type of thing I enjoy doing on the weekends, but I don’t do it enough because I waste too much time sleeping -_-:

  1. Perform hot oil treatment: Whenever I do this, my hair actually looks nice. I heat up about 1/4 cup of olive oil and 1 tsp. of honey, and then I let it cool a little. Once it is cool enough to touch, I add one egg. I mix it, put it in my hair, wrap my hair, cover it with a shower cap, and wait for 30-60 minutes. After that it’s just shampoo and conditioning as usual.
  2. Face masque: I use Queen Helene’s Mint Julep masque. It burns a little at first because of the mint, but once that stops it feels really…cool. Like breeze. 🙂
  3. Aromatherapy: Basically, light something that smells good. REALLY good. 😀
  4. Read: I’ll usually grab a book or magazine, and just read until the hair treatment and face masque is ready.

I wish I would do things like this more when I have free time. I’m sure if I took better care of things like my hair, skin, and body, I wouldn’t have to do extra tedious things later on to undo the flaws that accumulate from my lack of maintenance.

☆彡 The first thing I’m going to do when I get a house is just…sit there. In the middle of the living room, bedroom, kitchen—whatever. I just want to sit there, and take in the fact that I will never have to deal with sharing any part of my sanctuary with obnoxious individuals ever again. No more stomping. No more slamming. No more loudness and yelling. It’ll just be the sound of the things that I love: Mark laughing, Link meowing, the wind outside, our musics, our TV shows, our games. Just…no intrusion from the outside world at all. You know, I don’t get jealous often, but when I hear about someone getting a house of their own, I do feel jealous. I am so happy for them, but at the same time I imagine all the exciting things they get to experience in their new home, and I have to come home to this…place. Not home or sanctuary, just place, and deal with these…irritating people on a daily basis. *sigh* Maybe I’m just ranting, but I need to get it off my chest. I hate apartment life, and I would rather work 5 jobs and live in a house than work one, and continue living next to or below or above the same people I avoid the moment I step foot outside my door.

☆彡 There is no cowardliness in picking and choosing your fights. Only rabid animals lunge at everything that looks remotely threatening. You should only take part in a fight that will improve you if you win, and teach you a valuable lesson if you lose. I don’t see the point in responding to every insecure nobody, or confrontational moron that comes my way. In fact, people who prey on others don’t need attention. It just encourages their behavior. So…just move on to something else. I know a lot of times I come across someone who is upset, and he/she will say: “So-and-so said I was this,” or “So-and-so called me that,” and my response is always: “Fuck that person, don’t stoop to their level, and keep your head up.” You’re not the loser wasting your time trying to find ways to make someone else feel bad or uncomfortable or unhappy, you know? The moment someone criticizes you, you should laugh. If you’re too angry or upset to laugh then that is fine. Cry, punch a punching bag, kick a tree, sleep it off. Whatever. But when you are done, you remember who you are, and you put that anger towards something that will benefit you and the people you love, not someone who hates you. I truly believe that everyone is capable of amazing things, but if someone wants to waste their potential to hate on the potential of others then ignore him/her. Just be yourself. Or, as some say, “do you”. It’s all that you can do, you know? Just fight for the right reasons, and you will always conquer the things worth conquering in the end.

Well, that’s about it. Next time, I fangirl over E3. >_>

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So…Brynhildr is gone.

Brynhildr is my laptop. She’s been going strong for four years, but randomly decided to go into an infinite loop of boot screen and BSOD after the fan was cleaned out. Some type of “hardware error”. Man, oh, man. -.-

Still…I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would.

I mean, yeah, I always prefer a heads up from technology before it decides to break on me, but when does that ever happen? Maybe in some type of cyber-fantastic world, right?

The funny thing is that my TV is dying too. The colors keep jumping from really red to really green to really blue…which is never a good sign. I mean, we do have another TV, but it can only play games. It can’t pick up digital signals like the one we have now. So, basically, I have no XBox, no laptop, and I’ll soon have no TV.

It’s not such a bad thing though. Without my three vices, I will have no choice but to be more active, and focus on my projects. What else can I do, right? I might as well be productive. ^^;;

Either way, I’d like to say “so long” to Brynhildr. She is pretty much Mark’s project now. He’s going to open her up, and experiment on her. Maybe he’ll fix it. Maybe he won’t. I only know that there is no point in getting sad or angry about it. Why should I? That’s just life. Nothing lasts forever.

*sigh* Anyway, I’m going to go. Toonami is back, and I really want to check out this anime called Deadman Wonderland. It looks very interesting. I’m so glad that Toonami is back! Fuck yeah!

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☆彡The Avengers movie rekindled my love for Bruce Banner and The Hulk. I’m so grateful. I really want to see The Avengers again. ;-;

☆彡 Our XBox is working again. Mark stood on it, turned it on, and it stopped showing that error message. Fucking sorcery. LOL. The thing is that it’s not completely working. If we play games with strong graphics, it locks up again. So, we’re sticking to older games, and games that don’t involve much graphics. It’s better than nothing, right? Honestly, the only game I really want to play right now is that Scott Pilgrim side-scrolling game on Live. I heard that there’s an X-Men side-scroller as well, so I want to download that too. It brings back pleasant nostalgia. Makes me want to whip out my SNES or Mark’s Genesis. And, believe it or not, they both still work perfectly. They’ve outlived one PS2, one XBox, and one semi-broken 360. Shame.

☆彡 Speaking of gaming, I’m into two MMOs right now: Requiem and Ragnarok. Both are free. Try them out, MMO fans. All you have to lose is…time. LOL. I couldn’t really complete my Ragnarok character because of scheduled maintenance, but I’m on Requiem under the character name of ‘Ilmarra’. I’ll post my Ragnarok name later. My Ragnarok name is ‘Ilmarra’ too. XD

☆彡 Speaking of maintenance (everything links together! o_o), the maintenance guy here has been fixing our stove all week. Because of our inability to cook, we’ve been eating out left and right. It sucks. After two days of fast food, my body started to shake and I became really dizzy. Twice. Once today, and once yesterday. Mark is basically living in the bathroom, so it’s definitely detox time. I hate feeling like this. I feel like I’ve been poisoned. In a way, I guess we were. Fast food is basically a chemical shitstorm. I don’t even want to think about it. It makes my everything hurt. Thankfully, the stove is working again. I’m relieved! =.=

☆彡 Library Reading List: Brave New World, Invisible Monsters, Survivor, House of M: The Incredible Hulk, and DC Universe: The Works of Alan Moore. I’m in the middle of Invisible Monsters right now, and I am reminded once more why I adore Chuck Palahniuk. I really love his work. Anyway, I have to finish these books before June 4th, so I’ll be pretty busy. It’s really criminal that I haven’t read Brave New World yet. I’ll fix that soon enough.

☆彡 May is teaching me that life has two paths: the easy path and the hard path. Down the easy path, you will always find the pathetic version of yourself. The version of yourself that you get from denial, excuses, falsehood, and weakness. Down the hard path, you will find the best version of yourself. It is you, only stronger and braver and lovelier and smarter and superior. The easy path has plenty of opportunities to give up and go back to the start, but the hard path…you barely get time to catch your breath. You’re always dodging one thing or another. You have to earn your respite. Right now, I am on that hard path. I am barely into it, and I already want to go back to the easy path where everything was predictable and effortless. But I know that I can’t. More than anything, I want that better self and that better life…so giving up is not an option for me. I guess all of this sounds cheesy and cryptic. However, it’s the best way I can sum up my life right now.

☆彡 I want to start posting weekly goals starting Sunday. It’ll be kind of bad to start in the middle of the week. -_-

☆彡 For the past few weeks, Link has been sleeping right next to my head on the my pillowcase. He usually doesn’t sleep that close to us. He’ll sleep near our feet, sometimes on our backs or butt, but never like…RIGHT next to my face. Then again, for whatever reason, he’s been super attached to me lately. I’m grateful, but I’m worried. I just hope he isn’t trying to tell me something. I always worry about him…even though he’s a cat and he far more self-sufficient than I’ll ever be.

☆彡 I think it is too late for 2012 to be a “good year” for me. I’m just going to make the best of what is left, and cross my fingers for 2012. I consider 13 an unlucky number, but who knows. It may work out better than 12.

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☆彡 So…I took the I-Bet-I-Won’t-Cry-During-A-Korean-Drama challenge, and failed. My Girlfriend is a Gumiho caught me off guard. UGLY FACE CRYING LIKE A G.

☆彡 My 360 is broken! Seriously, look at this bullshit:

My life is over! *FALLS DOWN IN A SLOW CIRCLE AND DIES* Seriously, Mark and I got a good laugh about it because we thought Jensen was getting hacked in Deus Ex: Human Revolution. Then the system gave us an error screen and we started joking that Jensen caught a digital STD from an augmented hooker. Don’t ask. Either way, packing up the ecks bawks for repairs. I probably won’t be able to play it for…eh…I’m going to say three months. So, it’s just going to be my Wii and my PS2 for now. Bah. Just as I was progressing in Dark Souls too!


…Okay, I’m done. LMAO. This has been a fangirly week for me. Sorry. Mark is joking that I’m becoming a human girl as if I was some type of alien lifeform before. LOL! Speaking of Mark, we’re both pretty much set on a Korra and Mako cosplay. As much as we love the Barriss and Plo Koon idea we realized that (a)Korra and Mako are much easier to cosplay, and (b)it is going to be hot as sin at every convention we plan to attend this year. So a sleeveless shirt for me and short sleeves for Mark will do us much good. I really want to go as Impa at some point as well. Mark can go as Ghirahim. Fufufu~ XDD

☆彡 It looks like I’ll be starting my game design course at the end of April. I’m pretty excited! I’m also too scared to get excited because I don’t want to get my hopes up or be disappointed. *sigh* …Why am I this way? LOL. I guess the only thing left to do is tie up some loose ends. There is no time to second guess. I am heading towards my dream. No point in looking back or fretting about risks. From here on out it’s just me keeping my chin up, being brave, and kicking ass, right?

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